The night before

Off to Hong Kong tomorrow :)

I'm starting to get excited. I often get excitement and anxiousness mixed up - I diagnose one as the other, often I'm excited and I think it's anxious and then because I think I'm anxious I actually get REALLY anxious. But forget all that, the anxiousness is dissapearing and for now I'm just excited, and a little tired from the rush rush rush in trying to finish up everything at work (about to head back into the office to finish up a few things and participate in an information night).

I can't wait to see everyone and do all the things I mentioned in this post back in January! If I've double booked I apologise now - It will be a busy time! :)

... should you never hear from me again some fate that I fear has befallen me - otherwise stay tuned for the next exciting adventure of Somewhere Smiling!

A challenge and a thanks

I go to a salon once a month for a few "girly" things and tonight I got my hair cut for the first time in a very, very long time... unfortunately, along with the space in blogging I've also taken a break from photographs so there are none from this period, but trust me in saying it grew to a length not seen falling from my cranium since the early '00's.

I have a really good relationship with my beautician, we chat most of the appointment and get along really well. I've been challenged though in the question of, "do I conform to her standards, or does my difference in life choices, specifically my Christianity show through?"

A friend once showed me how important it was to be honest, more so, REAL in who we are. I'm happy with how I'm following his example, but I question if I'm actually following Christ's in my actual living. Is my being "real" actually detracting from Christ? Is my lifestyle one that speaks more highly of the world I live in or the Christ that I serve? I'm not so sure...

Anyway, Mom has seen that I'm writing a blog and has asked to be mentioned kindly in it - I respond in following: "How could I not speak kindly of you? You brought me a fabulous lunch out to work today just to spend time with me and blessed me even more by the book you gave me (50 things to do on an airplane). I came home to a meal that was cooked and fabulous conversation and I really do think I have the best mom in the world."

fReaKing oUt

I hate flying – it’s not natural – I did it too much as a kid and the novelty’s worn off – It equates to one really long rollercoaster ride, and I dislike even the short theme park rides

Unfortunately, sailing to locations isn’t an option on either my budget or my timeframes, so flight it is

I’ve been freaking out a little bit about Thursday’s flight

Freaking out about flying may have led to paranoia about other things

I have a rash on my leg that’s moved

I obviously haven’t reached that plane of Christian living where one is happy to die.

Disappointed... but the moment is getting redeemed

I shortchanged myself this morning. After a late night out last night, I slept in and missed church. And I'm really disappointed.

I was sick last week and feel as though it's been an age since I fellowshipped with my Brothers and Sisters in Christ. However, as I type this, I'm also watching to the Christian channel on cable and I'm realising that I am worshiping with other people, in spirit.

I'm encouraged by the thought that at this point, people from all around the world are worshiping God... and I am with them in doing so.

I'm still disappointed that I missed church (and encouraged to that I'm disappointed - I don't always want to go to church!), but I'm glad that God has redeemed the moment.

The funniest song in a fair while

Getting the newspaper early this morning from the Petrol Station I heard this song in my car - it cracks me up every time and so I thought I'd share it. It could be one of those really early morning on a Saturday brainwaves that aren't so good, but here goes it:

Listen "I'm Still A Guy Brad Paisley"

If it doesn't download click here to go elsewhere and listen to "I'm Still A Guy"

A long break

I've been hibernating - taking a break from writing, communicating and in general being fairly anti-social with the world not directly in front of me. Some great things have been happening, some fairly awful things have happened, and in general I could say that life's been very good to me - but it's the sucky things that have made me not write. There's been a few reasons for this:

1. I don't want to air my, nor my family's "dirty laundry" on this blog, and there were times that I was tempted - "Stay AWAY from the keyboard!"
2. I've had, as I expressed to a friend last night "a multitude of unanswered questions that haunt the recesses of my mind, being afraid to have others ask questions which I myself don't have the answers for"
3. I went through one of my "I hate the internet's power to tell you things you don't want to know" phases.
   

I've found myself composing blogs in my head, thinking through what I'd write and how I'd write it - and as I do use this as a bit of a personal journey log I have missed chronicling these events. It has been well worth it though.

A friend of mine has the back of her bathroom door covered in sayings and quotes (you may as well be encouraged while you're in there!), and one of them is this "the wisest words are those which were never spoken because they would have hurt someone without benefiting anyone". This, primarily, is the reason I've been silent lately.

But for the records sake:

• I've had a great time at some garage sales (7 Tolkien books for $7 bucks! 4 Designer pants (trousers for you non-Aussies) which retail for 140 each and I got the lot of them (brand new and perfect fit) for only $40
• Dad's second surgery has gone well. Non cancer related thank God
  
• I've decided that come spring I'm going to buy myself a bunch of roses each week from a local rose farm
• Drinking too much isn't smart (it has the propensity to completely ruin the next day - why put yourself through that??)
• I'm going to spend Christmas in New Zealand
  
• I may have committed myself to going speed dating!
  
• Trust in God is the foundation for our faith (stay tuned for more on this one)
• I'm heading to Hong Kong in a week's time!
  
• Family is the most important thing

I've also realised during this break that come September, perhaps the worst year in my life will be over... Honestly, aside from Death, someone in our family being incarcerated, someone losing a limb or being paralyzed there's nothing that I can think of that couldn't have happened this past year on the downer side of life - Praise God though - a couple more weeks and a milestone will have been reached!

Thankful for the day I never thought I would be thankful for

I didn't sleep that well last night, stress got the better of me and I was wakeful at the thought of today. A presentation to the full staff team still needed a lot of work, I had no idea how to actually work (i.e. modify & update) a new module on our website that I was demonstrating and have more areas than I'd rather admit needing more work then I can provide time for.

I prayed. I asked God to help me though. He did.

I sit at the end of the day, the end of a successful day in which I was faithful to do all that I could do, and I am thankful.

I get insecure, at what I don't do and what I can't do, quite often. I compare myself to others and I'm my own worst critic, especially where everything I do is critiqued in one way or another by the person who I directly represent (which is how in this type of job it always is). Yet, as I look back on today, and my anxiety last night, I'm thankful for today in a way I never thought I would be. I'm out of my league in so many areas, yet in that I'm reminded that God is made perfect in our weaknesses.

I hope an angel reminds me of today and God's faithfulness in bringing me through it next time I stress out... committing our ways to God does work, asking for guidance does help, trusting in God is not futile. No matter how simplistic it sounds.

The Challenge to be a Beauty Chaser

There is pain in this world, great pain, deep pain, seemingly insufferable and often excruciating... but it is redeemable.

I write this blog with the insight and teachings of Greg Fleming from the Maxim Institute who I've heard over the past two days at a conference in Brisbane. While on an intellectual level, I really appreciated all of his 4 sessions, the third hit me personally. If you've been reading this blog for a while, or know me outside of the on-line world, I don't think you'd be surprised to learn it was based upon the challenge of Pain and Suffering in our world.

I walked out of this third session burning with the belief that I want to be a beauty chaser. In a world of pain and suffering there is God's redemptive power calling to teach of us, whispering that there's something better than the twisted pain we experience resulting from this fallen world. There is beauty, there is goodness, and regardless of what we may sometimes feel - God IS Good.

I was challenged on my theology. Am I a consumeristic Christian? Defined by a newspaper columnist after the Elim School Tradgedy in NZ:

"Belief in God is not some sort of commercial transaction - I'll say my prayers every night, you protect me from any pain and grief - it doesn't work like that."

And with this theology crumble when things go wrong, doubting the very existence or inherent qualities of God? Or, do I believe and act as though, that regardless of my circumstance God is still just as good and powerful and loving. A belief that God isn't all about me (a tricky thing as Adrian Plass explains in his book Growing Up Pains where "Everyone is I") and what he can do for me, but that simply he is God, and my faith is in him.

Greg shared 6 principles of this theology entitled The Tension in the Reality:

1. God is good, the world is good, there is truth and beauty
2. There is also great pain and suffering
3. The fall brings this tension - it distorts that which is good
4. Ultimately sin curves in on itself - Incurvatus in se (Latin)
5. Whilst the direction of creation is twisted, it's structure is not
   
6. Because sin and evil are the twisting of good - not the opposite of it, we don 't disengage from the culture of creation but seek to redeem it.

A number of people have expressed to me on different occasions that God has gifted me with the ability to see life a little differently from most. Pain is deep. I want honesty (even where it hurts). I hate the "happy happy joy joy" of ignoring what's actually going on and brushing over issues. This view can bring cynicism, but it can also see beauty in difficult situations. It hears the rain falling on my roof right now and pictures the parched soil soaking it up, my Dad's gerbra's lifting their faces towards the downpour exalting in the drench...

I'd like to work a lot more on this topic of seeing the beauty, to choose and catalog the beauty amidst the pain, but I'm off to work for the moment and above are just some random thoughts not yet fully explored... but yes, I feel urged, amidst the pain that I often feel, amidst the anxiety and down times to relish life, to cherish beauty and to fight against the post-modern view that both are meaningless.

Home Again

Have just gotten home from a 2 day conference in Brisbane... will hold off from writing all that I was going to, and will instead just leave this teaser of a thought:

I want to relish life, cherish beauty and fight against the thought that both are meaningless.

Looking forward to elaborating on this soon!

Perhaps not this litter of puppies...

I just got this email responding to an enquiry about an Airedale puppy:

Hi Elizabeth,

One of my boy puppies went up to Toowoomba on Monday.

I still have 3 puppies left, 2 girls and 1 boy

The price is $1100.

Please call me on if you are interested.

Cheers

Andy

Perhaps not?? Unless anyone wants to purchase one for me, in which case I'd like a little girl :)

101 Things to do Before you Die

In my endevours to occupy myself during my holidays, I've picked up my trusty book "101 Things to do Before you Die".

I've updated it a bit, striking off #59, "Leave a Job You Hate" (that being the town planning job I got coming back to Toowoomba this year) along with #40 "Get a Free Upgrade on a Plane" (my trip last year to the USA - yeah for business class!!!) and have put in place an action plan for #77 "Learn to Read the Night Sky" - I'm taking an astronomy course in August!! It's 12 hours one Saturday, just before I head off to Hong Kong for Deb and Craig's wedding.

I'm never going to complete the list of the 101 things to do (and some of them I really don't want to do!), but it's quite fun picking it up and getting an idea, like the astronomy course.

P.s. Some of you might notice that I've taken down a blog recently - I've never done so before as this blog is an attempt to be honest and real, regardless of whether it shows a good or bad side of me. Great if it's good - if it's not so good, perhaps it might be an encouragement to others. I took this blog down however because whenever I saw the picture I posted, I felt that way again... it evoked emotions which were not healthy to dwell upon, and thus the decision for my own welfare.

Any thoughts?

I'm on holidays for three days from tomorrow and I have no idea what to do! I actually feel like working... as sick as that sounds (will go in for a few hours tomorrow anyway)! So, in the efforts to "get a life" are there any ideas from the great big world out there?

Its a grand life

I have had an amazing morning of driving slowly around town, enjoying the overcast day and rain. The markets were great as usual (although a little cold) and I've got this huge tub of freshly picked strawberries as a treat - I can't believe how great they taste!

I popped in to see Bruce, one of the guys at my bottle shop, for a bit of a yack and a recommendation for a new beer to try. I really love my bottle shop - they're always getting in new stock to try and every now and then I get a promo item - today Bruce gave me a some Johnny Walker cufflinks! It's quite fun and my beer knowledge is improving week to week, it's also really really nice to have a place where you're known as a regular and you go there as much to say G'day as you do to buy something.

Jack's coming round this afternoon for lunch and I'm quite excited as I haven't seen him in over a month. I asked Jonno what he now likes to eat, and I'm quite glad moved off the corn chip, avocado and sour cream phase.

Must run to get the house ready for the tribe - oh - and two great games last night if you missed them, do whatever you can to watch a replay of the NZ vs South Africa tri-nations match, it was the closest and best rugby match I've seen in a while.

Reality

I went to the pound yesterday looking for a new friend... It was a horrid experience looking at all those big searching "take me home" eyes with tails wagging and heads crying out for patting... knowing that if no one did take them home they would be put down.

Reality has struck though - now that I'm actually buying a dog, should I? Our yard and house looks absolutely amazing without the presence of an outside member of the family - we have a back porch where we all love to sit, grass that is thick and wonderful to walk on with no piles of poop to pick up. I want one for companionship and exercise and yes, peace of mind for when I live alone (a 3-4 month stint coming up), but it's a huge responsibility and one I don't want to take lightly...

I want a dog, but do I really?

Horribly Happy

I'm so excited about "my" website going live - heaps of effort and meetings and planning and the like...

(Actually, I need to correct myself - it's not "google live" as the old site needs to be deleted off the server for it to be the one that comes up... which was supposed to happen yesterday and today and will hopefully happen tomorrow... but still to my thinking it's live!)

I'm really really really happy about it... but horribly so, as silly me keeps on going to the site and looking through it when at home (I'm just so jolly proud of my baby!) which is stuffing up my statistics! *grin* ... that and all the people I skype and tell to have a look at it! Praise the Lord for Joomla! Enabling non-IT people like me succeed in the world ;)

Ok - I really do need to get a life!!!


P.s. For those who read yesterday's blog, you may be glad to hear that lovely IT Matt who's heading off to Holland has fixed my problem... did everything that I did, which yes, made me feel better, and then went to the Windows Registry which solved the issue - Yeah Matt!!!

Stolen Moments

Today ought to have been a really great day - in fact, up until 3pm it was.

I got out of bed fresh as a daisy, got to work early, sorted out the final few glitches before giving the ok for the website which I've been working on for the past 4 months to go "live". It was a truly successful and wonderful feeling. Following that, I was able to work on the "back end" of the site some more to enable parents to access things that the normal public can't.

The site looks good, the additions are functional, the admin staff are excited (which means more chance it will be fully utilised) it was a wonderful moment.

Moments get stolen though...

Around 3 O'clock I pressed one little button on my email client and !BOOM! no longer will it work on my laptop (not Kelper - my work laptop)... sigh... shut down, rebooted, unistalled, reinstalled, rebooted, uninstalled, reinstalled etc. etc. etc. it's still stuffed. My boss was a great help too telling me I shouldn't have "fiddled" with the button assuming I knew what its action would complete - yes. I wish I could have pressed rewind to the perfect moment I had earlier on... sigh.

To top it off my car wouldn't start again.

Now at home with a Kilkenny and hoping the issue can get sorted out tomorrow! I'm a PA for goodness sakes! I shouldn't be in charge of I.T.!!!

YouTube Afternoon - Slim Dusty and G'day G'day

Driving up the Range (a big hill to get from the farm to Toowoomba) last night I heard the song "G'day G'day" on the radio and it really made my heart lighter. Check out the link below with photos of Brisbane (I thought it might be a boon for the Aussies away from home and funny for the non-Aussies out there!):

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q7TrRqv-flU&feature=related

Also - while surfing You Tube this arvo I looked up Rodney Atkins who I have to admit I'm a bit of a fan after hearing his song "Watching You" a while ago talking about how his son watches him and wants to be just like his Dad. This song, and the others that I've heard from him sum up just about everything I like about country music - honesty, heartfelt lyrics, and well.. yes, cute guys too!

The Morning After

Yesterday started with a very chilly 5am with my feet freezing in my boots, and fingers so cold they were unable to tie my filly up in the float as we traveled off to a horse show where we got utterly flogged. The class we were in was for 2 years and under so our little 9 month old weanlings didn't stand much of a chance against horses that were broken in and better muscled. That having been said though, the black QH filly that beat us in Marburg came second :<

We got back to the farm and after a quick cup of tea I was on a horse preparing it for a parade today in Brisbane, off the horse and washing 3 others so tired I could barely keep my feet after a huge week at work. Thankfully, considering the event today was for the Light Horse Troop my services were not sought... so I left the farm at 6pm and went to church fortified by a take-a-way double shot hot chocolate enabling a sleep in this morning.

I've had an incredibly delightful day. Sleeping in, brunch, reading and a glorious day. I now sit in the botanical gardens writing away with birdsongs serenading, a lovely crisp breeze and the fresh pine smell of the tree I rest again.

I recognise, as three bike riders slowly glide by, that "The Morning After" is an unusual title for a blog where the antecedent evening was occupied by church going and sleeping alone. Yet it fits for a singular reason. Last night, God, through the sermon preached (1 John 1 was the text) healed me of my hurt and bitterness that I've recently written about. Only God is capable of healing and removing the type of pain that yesterday was so tangible, and I give Him the for what I asked for and what He has done.

No tears were involved, no laying on of hands, no outpouring to a third party, yet no less real is what He has done. The pastor spoke on the darkness that can be in our lives as Christians, there is light yes, but like twighlight in comparison to noon-day darkness can still be present where we don't have fellowship with others as we know we ought. How it mentions in 1 John 9-11 that:

11But he who hates (detests, despises) his brother [in Christ] is in darkness and walking (living) in the dark; he is straying and does not perceive or know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded his eyes. (Amplified Version)

Further, he went on to elaborate that unless we love others (and don't hold things against them) we can not really love God.

1 John 2:2-4 And He [Jesus Himself] is the propitiation (the atoning sacrifice) for our sins, and not for ours alone but also for [the sins of] the whole world. And this is how we may discern [daily, by experience] that we are coming to know Him [to perceive, recognize, understand, and become better acquainted with Him]: if we keep (bear in mind, observe, practice) His teachings (precepts, commandments). Whoever says, I know Him [I perceive, recognize, understand, and am acquainted with Him] but fails to keep and obey His commandments (teachings) is a liar, and the Truth [of the Gospel] is not in him.

Hard teaching, and strong words but at the same time, freeing ones. My love for God is greater then my hurt and so I choose, in light of God's love for me to lay it aside. That simple. Thanks for your prayers, I don't think I would have been open to this word were it not for them. I rejoice that the pain is gone... and thankfully astounded too!

The Rentry Transition

I've been doing some research at work to do with enabling our students to exit our very close Christian school with minimal fall out when they enter the "real" world, away from friends, understanding teachers, and a known support network. To be themselves and find a life outside of school with great success, not floundering and wishing to be back...

In doing so, I've come across some great resources, one in particular, which I plan to use myself. You see I never "debriefed" when coming home, never had the opportunity to really express some of my emotions, hurts, joys and experiences in a healthy way. Partly because I was going through personal grief at the same time, and partly because it was never a mentioned option.

Heading back to Hong Kong, I'm realising how much there still is to work through, and I've been really blessed by this work research as it's highlighted and reinforced the need.

The best article I've come across thus far is this PDF which also has a workbook with the writers giving permission to "pass it along". And so I do :)

Secondly, you might have been shocked by my statement of hurt a few entries ago, and I guess I need to clarify the issue... The bible is very clear about when you feel wronged you are to go to the person directly and then take witness etc. But what happens when you are forbidden to approach the person letting them know of the wrong? What happens when you're manipulated into a situation that is wrong and act accordingly with that manipulation? What happens when you're so weak and devastated by someone's words that you can't fight on your own, and when someone else fights on your behalf they are slandered to your face? All of this and more, happened in the situation of hurt that I mentioned. I have been working through forgiveness with God about the issue and hope, through this "debriefing" process and continued prayer, along with guidance by the Word and people whose opinion I value, one day be able to see this person face to face with no feelings of residual resentment or hurt. I also ask for your prayers, both for me, and all that were involved.

Hilarious!

An Asian couple had just gone from visiting Dad when I arrived home this evening. On the bench I noticed a bottle of Glenlivet which Dad had only realised as alcohol after drinking it. He also asked me if it was very strong, which I thought would have been evident due to it making him cough as it burned down his throat!

Absolutely hilarious - neither of us have any idea why they gave it... he asked if it could have been a joke, to which I replied if it me giving it as a joke I'd choose something cheaper... oh well, he'll sleep well tonight! (Dad's strictly a wine man, and used to like Midori until I told him it wasn't a normal cordial..)

So Steve, chances are there'll still be some in the cupboard for when you come home next :)

Heading Back

I'm booking flights and accommodation this week for Hong Kong in September, where I'll be attending a good friend's wedding. I've decided against the Island Shangri-la in terms of a hotel (however nice it would be) in favour of something a little cheaper in order to have some more spending money.

In planing my trip I'm coming up against a lot of emotions in heading back to a place that is so special for many reasons, but also filled with a great deal of pain. I'm aware that I'll be seeing some people, one in particular, who have caused me a great deal of pain. This female has hurt me like no one ever has, but in the process I've been made stronger and this is what I think I need to focus on - not the pain - but the process which has been redeemed by God.

Aside from the narkiness - so many special things happened there that aren't any more. How do I visit these places and not long for what once was? I'm not sure... Either way, I think I'm going to be spending the entire time on my knees or drinking too heavily - probably a bit of both :) I've decided that I'm going to have the time of my life - go with the attitude not to worry about things for the 5 days while I'm there, and with God's grace confront things as and when they crop up. I guess this trip might be the focus of a few more blogs!

I am really looking forward to seeing people though, and so excited to be able to be at the wedding of my dear friend. I'm looking forward to my honey beer, and my Peak restaurant meal, and a Lychee martini and a hundred and one different things... book me in - my diary's filling up!!

Oh - and for those of you who are getting into the warmer months of the year, spare a thought for us over here - I needed to wear my snow jacket out to the markets this morning (farm fresh fruit and veg - yum!) and my hands are only just now thawing out..

Oops

Corporations put their heads together while creating the idea of Thursday night shopping for people just like me... You go out with the purpose to buy ONE thing, decide to have a bit more of a look around and BOOM three hats and some facinators and hey - why not a few pink earings later I'm writing this blog - oh, and add in a red leather Jag wallet (which by the way is fabulous!)

My one thing was a curry comb for my pony who's being rugged, as all three horse stores were closed, I dropped in the main shopping centre and well, the above somehow happened when I found the wallet in Myer at 50% off and I walked past a closing down sale with 70% off. What sparked the buying of hats and facinators was that a friend asked me yesterday to join the Red Hat club, and as I'm under 50 I wear pink or mouve, hence the "excuse" to buy.

In reflection though I'm SO annoyed at myself. I mean yes, I don't regret the wallet, or two of the hats - but the rest? So could have done without them, and while the money doesn't add up to too much, with fuel the way it is (over $1.50 a liter) and using more of it getting to the farm and back to exercise Kokoda before the Ekka, and planning to buy an Iphone to replace the phone I dropped in a beer esky 4 months ago I do admit there was some stupid spending going on tonight!

Oh well - you live and you learn ... I hope!

A Perfect Night

My Brothers and I used to play cards when I was younger - 21, Blind BlackJack, Poker, those sort of cards, betting with little tiny chips that Andrew picked up somewhere. I can't really say we were that into Snap or Old Maid, although we did go through a UNO phase, and now that I think of it we had these HUGE Popeye cards that were fun to play with (I wonder where they are now???) As a family too we've always been pretty good at 500, and I do have to admit that mom's rather addicted to her computer Spider Solitaire games... ok, you get the point, we all still play cards and most of us wouldn't say no to a round of Texas Holdem....

*here goes all my staunch conservative readers who now think I'm going to hell... probably did before this anyway!*

Anyhoo - It's funny to remember these things, times like when Andrew completely conned me while playing Blind BlackJack for a while... he'd pick the same seat every time (not that unusual for Andrew) but after a while started to laugh when I was getting frustrated about him always winning, this was until he told me to look behind me and there, lo and behold, right in his line of sight was a mirror... (I'm sure Steve knew what was going on and led me along too - he's a bit quicker on the uptake then I am).

All of this has come flooding back after leaving work late tonight and deciding, after an incredibly full on day to hang all and go to the movies - you guessed it - I saw "21", a movie about counting cards in Vegas, and I loved it! Yes, not the movie to go and see if you agree with Greg Koukle that the definition of a bad movie "is one which makes sin look fun", there were definitely a few parts which did that (I'll never think of high rise apartment windows in the same way), but even if you are in a prudish (or perhaps wholesome is the right word) mood, there are some redeeming qualities where people had been jerks and they said sorry and the world was righted once again, greed is bad and so is jealousy etc. etc...

Moral judgments aside, I've come home on a buzz, ready for another mammoth day tomorrow, exhausted but stoked - a great day at work and a perfect night of putting my hair up, going to the movies, and remembering family fun :)

For an hour alone...

I've stayed home from Church this morning for a blessed hour alone at home... since Dad's operation (from which he's recovering really well), home, while still very sweet, has become slightly claustrophobic with constant presence in the house.

To be still and know that it's just me, God and the birds singing sweetly outside is a boon to my soul. I've cleaned and vacuumed, made a passionfruit smoothie, and now, after only an hour, I feel incredibly rested and relaxed.

This past week at work was quite stressful, with my boss away and various issues with staff I was hugely thankful that I came home on Friday night with energy. In fact, I even left the house before 7am to go down to the farm to muck out stables... I must be feeling good *grin*.

I'm even more thankful for being ok at the end of this week as today marks 2 weeks off my prescription. (When I ran out of pills before my trip to Canberra and was unable to get more, realised that I was coping really well without them and have decided to stop for the time being.) I've been taking what a dear friend calls "my happy pills" since getting back from Hong Kong and seeing my Doctor who said I should have gone on them long ago... they're not strong, but certainly took the edge off a low or anxious mood. I'm definitely not ashamed of taking them and would recommend certain people really think about prescribed help to get back on track, and would go on them again in the future should need be. I've been so thankful for their help, and my doctor's, as the new patterns of thinking and positive reinforcement has been lifechanging.

I've also bought a crock-pot or slow cooker.. very stoked and enjoying the world of coming home to a meal that's been cooking away while I've been at work.

Finally, I'm shocked to say it, but while I was watching the Wallabies win over Ireland last night I had a vague thought that I miss watching NFL! This when I'm watching the first rugby international under Robby Deans coaching... oh well, it's grand loving sport! (especially might I add while eating a thai green curry that I cooked washed down with a Kilkenny beer!)

AGHHHHH!

you are now listening to a long and drawn out primeval scream.....













still going












Yup - still there, good thing I can type and scream...














and now drawing a breath.








(for those that are worried, other than a very frustrating afternoon I'm doing great)

There and Back Again - Part Two

I'm sitting at home, in the comfort of my own lovely, lovely home while writing the second part to this blog. I wondered at some time during yesterday if I should rename it the Never Ending Story, but as I'm home and the adventure is over, I'm thankful to just add a Part Two.

Tuesday Night cont.
The flight down to Canberra was good, actually, it was great. I ordered a Kosher meal and was hugely impressed by the outstanding quality of this airplane food! Steamed chicken infused with spinach, kosher rolls, a light rye bread slice with smoked salmon and a delicious dessert - wow - I have a big thank you to write to Customer Service. (Note Well: order Kosher meals when flying... much better then the normal fare.)

I was reading a book called "Light Force" by Brother Andrew and the lady next to me struck up a conversation based upon it. She introduced herself as a spiritual person, and asked about the book which has a picture on the front of a Jewish and a Muslim boy walking together.

She said that she held Jesus in great respect, but held him on the same level as Buddha - a great teacher. I said great, I didn't consider myself a religious person and don't like the divisiveness that religion can bring either, but that I do firmly believe in the deity of Jesus Christ. Further more, I disagreed that it was a possibility for Jesus to be just a great teacher - in fact (and I surprised myself by quoting CS Lewis) that either Jesus was a liar - he proclaimed himself as God, so if he wasn't then he was simply a liar, or he was a madman - if he believed his proclamation that he was God but wasn't then he was a deluded madman, or he was God - he was what he said he was. I was really surprised by her reaction which was very receptive and we went on to have a really good conversation.

Andrew met me at the airport with a hug (I have a great brother) and my niece vacated her bed for my sleeping pleasure and instead kept my brother up all night instead as she slept on the floor of her parent's room!

Wednesday
It was great to wake up amidst the sounds of my Canberra family, and got to see my sister-in-law who was having a stay in hospital (Praise God she's home again). I was very blessed that my work offered for me to travel down the night before so I could spend the morning (which would have otherwise been spent in travel) with my family. As a bit of a bonus, my niece and nephew liked their gifts from Aunty Liz :)

I got to the meeting location (ANU - which has to be the most scenic university campus in the world - especially in Autumn (photos on flickr soon)) and had quite a successful meeting which I wont' go into.

The fun (and seemingly never ending story) began at 4pm when we left the meeting to go to the airport... Our flight was delayed, and then canceled due to industrial action - the story seems to be that an engineer needed to sign off on maintenance work and wouldn't so they couldn't fly the plane. We got diverted to Sydney, and then on to Brisbane in another delayed flight... so, I ended up getting home at 2am! For those that know me you'll appreciate that this was amazingly late for me, and in fact, had to stop on the road at the half way point to have a nap before driving the rest of the way!!! (This drive made me really appreciate the efforts of a friend last year who waited for me to arrive on another much more delayed flight and then drove all the way home getting in at 7am)

What's more, the return flight was all with my direct boss, which, while having a few awkward moments (can you sleep on a flight with your boss besides you???) seemed to be an ok experience for the both of us.

After cooking dinner tonight though, and being completely nackered beforehand, I've now gotten my second wind :( something tells me though that I'll hit the pillow and be asleep very shortly.

There and back again - part one

Airport security is, in my opinion, one of the most degrading functions of our society which we submit ourselves to. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m in favour of security, I’m very much in favour of airport security, but I do, as a law abiding member of society find it a rather degrading process.

Take this evening for example. I was going through security in Brisbane Airport and was required to take off my boots for separate screening – thank goodness I had long happy socks on… (quite a fashion statement with my suit let me tell you!). When I glanced around, gentlemen were reapplying belts, and other people were repairing similar states of undress.

This is nothing compared to American security though, where everyone is required to remove shoes, put them on the conveyor belt and walk, stocking footed through the metal detectors. I’ve had people shout at me for smiling, and force me to throw out my hairspray :( (yes I’m still working on forgiveness for that one!).

So as I sit in the lounge waiting for my delayed flight, I’m reflecting upon the fact that no matter which class we’re flying, first, business or coach, we’ve all been through the experience together.

We’re also all the same “status” regardless of the price we’ve paid… a bit like how we are in Christ really – it doesn’t matter what we “do” for Christ, or how much we think we’ve “paid” in spiritual terms reading the bible every day, going to theological college, or, like the sinner on the cross, accepting his Mercy at the last moment, we all sit in the lounge together.

The Gift?

We have a prophet coming to Church today, or at least a gentleman that is gifted with Words of Knowledge and Prophecy. While thinking on the service this morning and last night, the verse in 1 Thessalonians 5 came to mind where Paul says don't despise the gift of prophecy. I had to repent because in some ways, I have been.

To back track a little bit, I used to be a prophetic word junkie - you know the type - someone with a gift would come to church and I was so lost and wanting to hear God's will that I'd go forward every time out of desperation and desire and confusion.

A lot has changed since then - words given to me haven't been fulfilled, I've matured spiritually (I hope!) and I'm much more confident with not only who I am in Christ, but also who I am in general. For the most part too, I'm content with where I am in this season of my life.

I know - it's pretty pointless to think about this because the chances of me being picked out of the congregation are pretty slim, it's how the Spirit leads and God knows how I feel about all of the areas I am confused about... the thing is, and I guess the real point of this blog: I don't feel that I need a Word from God at the moment [By hearing a Word from God, I mean from a Prophet - I do and want to continue to hear through the Bible and nature, and the Holy Spirit.] How proud is that statement? We all need to hear from God, we all need to be open to his Word and Leading and Guidance wherever we are in life.

It all comes down to a knowledge of God's love for me I guess - If God is good, and He IS good, and He loves me, which He does, and He IS love, which he is, then whatever he gives me today, or whatever he doesn't give me, is a good and perfect gift. So may I rejoice today as other's lives are blessed, and if my life is spoken over, may I bring that word before the throne in submission, and love, and belief in my loving Father.

Funky Firefox Addon

I do like Firefox, and today's computer usage just gave me one more reason to recommend it:


It's an add-on called "Fast Dial" for your home page that automatically loads multiple sites in the one window! I've got the option for 6 sites displayed above, but you can do as little as one (which really there's no point to) or as many as 9.

Big Fan.

Yes - I know I said I wouldn't be blogging this week but I was so stoked about this application I couldn't resist.

Oh, and while I'm on the techie side of life - I'm continuing to learn Joomla! the CMS that our website is built on, and was very stoked to find today that I can learn all about it through online tutorials instead of courses. In fact, the tutes cover more than the courses I was planning to go to do, and I can more easily fit them around my work schedule. So, anyone want a website built?? (hypothetical question!)

Quick Update

Just a HUGE thanks to all who have been praying for Dad's surgery, our family and our travels etc. Dad's surgery was a big success. The trip there and back was really great too and it was good to enjoy city driving once more.

Back in town but will be staying at the Farm until Mom and Dad are back - if I'm slack on emails/blogs for a week this is why, but if you know me personally and want to catch up phone on my mobile or at work.

Thanks again!

My Father’s House

In church this morning I overheard a conversation in which a lady said she wanted to look nice and dress up a little bit when she came into her Father’s house.

What a concept = entering into our Father’s house to meet with him and publicly state that he is Lord. It’s a view of going to Church that I really like.

With that in mind and the acknowledgment that our God reigns, I pictured myself in my Father’s house whilst in church this morning, sitting and talking to him with the comfort that I have with my own Dad – sharing issues of the heart and mind. Being comforted and strengthened by the thought of my Father, the God of all heaven and earth.

Dad’s surgery is tomorrow morning – I’d appreciate prayers for that, for Mom, and for our whole family. Personally, aside from the unknowns relating to the surgery and the recovery period, I’m a bit anxious about the travel back and forward by myself, especially the early morning trip back to work on Tuesday with a 6am start… how quickly I’ve become a country driver again – the big city scares me :)

Oh – and for my sister-in-law’s knowledge, I’ve downloaded the sermon and shall listen to it this evening!

God IS Good

I know... I seem to go from bad to good to bad to worse to great in my blogging, even though in retrospect I feel like I'm reasonably even without these MASSIVE waves that I seem to reflect.. perhaps little waves but not the skyscrapers and deep caverns that come across :) then again, I'm just me and me is pretty happy with me (even in the low points I know how good my life is).

The purpose of this blog though is not to elaborate on my mood swings (hmmm... perhaps I should note the times of month they are... (sorry to the guys but it's a valid point!)), but instead to exclaim to the heavens and everyone else that God IS Good.

The reason for this particular exclamation is this:
Mom rang me at work today to say that she couldn't find a hotel to stay in next week that was in budget for while Dad's in hospital. Looking at the prices myself, with each night being over $140 I shared her concern and made some calls. People were willing to discount a little, but on the whole, prices were fixed even with the multiple nights she is in Brisbane.

So I made one final Google search and came across another hotel - still expensive but reasonable and in walking distance to the hospital. I made the call and thank the Lord, the prices were even less then quoted - under a hundred dollars for 2 people (her and me for the nights I travel down) and they are so caring... people I know my mom will receive help from if she needs it - not just people out to make a buck.

Praise God for all his mercies, big and small, he really cares about all our problems, big and small.

Identifying the Ailment

With an empty house this past week I haven't been feeling as chipper as I would have liked - sort of on edge and narky [as a sideline - is narky just an australian word??]. While work's been great, towards the end of the week I have to admit I was a bit of a wreck.

I went out on Thursday night for dinner by myself and enjoyed a martini as a starter - with a heinously long day on Friday at work (Principal's meeting at our school) I came home to meet my parents just back from a prayer summit with friends that knew me when I was a wee one in the Philippines. While it was great to see them, I just needed to get out so off to the farm where Lynda and Janelle had organised an impromptu girls night...

Lynda, knowing how I've been coping, asked me tonight before I left (a few trips down to the farm and back this weekend as I needed to hostess a morning tea with pastors from the Philippines, Japan and New Zealand) asked me how I was, in particular regarding a specific circumstance... I thought for a while and after waffling a bit realised the heart of the issue - I've been really lonely. Not any new reason, and nothing against my best mate at all, just with the house empty and Dad's impending surgery, I've just been feeling a bit more vulnerable than usual.

That having been said - I've noted that identifying the emotion has gone long way in relieving the angst of it...

Personal Assistants and Afternoon Tea

I went to The Angel Cafe this afternoon to meet a lady for coffee/tea. What was different is that I'd never met her prior to this - but it was a networking time as she is the Personal Assistant to one of the other principals in town. It's something I'm starting to do, meet up and have coffee with PA's from other schools and this way build relationships that will help us all.

It was a different dynamic to what I expected.

I've discovered thus far in my working life that as a PA you become loyal to the person you're assisting and to the organisation you represent, perhaps more so then another job, because you see how things really are. If you don't have respect for the organisation, the management of the organisation or your boss, you can't continue to work there, and indeed should not. A good PA is proud of the person, the organisation and happy to promote it... someone who is not, in my opinion and experience should move on.

What was interesting though was how this lady let her guard down to me, a PA of a rival school, and shared all the things that was hard, about her job and more specifically her boss, the Principal of the school. A very different dynamic, but one that from other stories I've heard is common when secretaries get together.

I was so very thankful (and astounded!) that I had nothing but positive praise for my boss and even when the tone of the conversation was negative I wasn't tempted to speak in kind. It's not that my boss is perfect, he's not (and neither am I), but I have a great deal of respect for him and the way he manages some very difficult situations - he also puts up with my many quirks and gives me the freedom to speak my mind.

I'm challenged to keep the tone higher in other networking meetings - not to encourage the bitch - but encourage the person to keep on doing what they do best... supporting some people that have some very tricky jobs!

Debt Free

Thank God Almighty - I'm debt free!

This morning I paid of my final debt since coming home and whilst I don't feel as excited as I was at the thought of being able to do so, I am very glad to be able to have done this.

Sarah's Faith - an encouragement to us doubters

Adam preached a very impacting word yesterday for mother's day. One that had me going forward for prayer which is an unusual event.

He shared how Sarah scoffed at God's word that she would bear a child. Her laughter which is mentioned was an insult - a disbelief with scorn - was well justified by facts, but over time she came to have faith in this word proven by her bearing Isaac and also her being mentioned in Hebrews 11 as a woman of great faith.

He spoke of the pain that Sarah must have felt, the trepidation that this was a cruel joke, and this promise that was given to her that she came to believe. Faith founded in the knowledge that God is not cruel, and a loving God would not hurt us by a rotten deception:

9 The men said to him, "Where is Sarah your wife?"

He said, "In the tent."

10 One of them said, "I'm coming back about this time next year. When I arrive, your wife Sarah will have a son." Sarah was listening at the tent opening, just behind the man.

11-12 Abraham and Sarah were old by this time, very old. Sarah was far past the age for having babies. Sarah laughed within herself, "An old woman like me? Get pregnant? With this old man of a husband?"

13-14 God said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh saying, 'Me? Have a baby? An old woman like me?' Is anything too hard for God? I'll be back about this time next year and Sarah will have a baby."

15 Sarah lied. She said, "I didn't laugh," because she was afraid.

But he said, "Yes you did; you laughed."

I was very challenged by a few situations in my life where I, like Sarah, don't believe that God will bring about the good which he has promised. I sing the song Amazing Grace but doubt the words "The Lord has promised good to me; his word my hope secures; He will my shield and portion be as long as life endures."

I want to believe them, but I, like Sarah, don't see how it is possible. I was so encouraged though that God understands my doubt, born out of fear, pain and past hurts, and will walk the journey with me to complete the good work that he has already begun.

Hallelujah - the Lord has promised good - and this I shall believe... and when I doubt, thank God he understands and comforts me through it!

By the way - have I mentioned lately that I love my job? In case I haven't ... I do :)

Parts

Part One

I attended an Open Doors meeting last night and was struck by two thoughts as the event began. Firstly, I am a privileged person. The heritage of my parents gives me access to some amazing people with whom they have great relationships. I was humbled by a discussion with Australia’s Open Doors Director and his wife that they have had my photo on their fridge and that I am in their prayers. I look back on lunches that I’ve had with people, and phone conversations as I pass the call on to Mom or Dad, that I have been blessed by my parents Godly friends and continue to be. I hope that I can pass this same heritage on to my children.

Secondly, as I looked around my Church hall that was the location for the event, with some people who had travelled for a few hours to be there, I couldn’t help but notice that it was mostly occupied by the grey haired generation. While there were more younger people than I expected (which is GREAT) I was impacted by how lucky we are to have these people with us – but who will take up the baton of prayer after they go? Will we? Do we realise what gold they are, and do we honour them as we should?

The meeting was exceptional, and well worth getting out for on a dark and cold evening. I was challenged by the thought of forgiveness and really feel that God is on my case about this. Some know that I returned from HK quite hurt, but regardless of that I need to forgive and I ask God to help me do so.

It was good to feel again that desire to serve God, no matter what the cost and hunger to know him more. To say again to my God, “here I am use me”. I want to connect with people on the front line and continue to be inspired by them.

Part Two

For anyone that’s read this far, well done. You get to hear Part Two…. Which is a recognition that I am where I am supposed to be. Last year I expected to be getting ready to move to the USA about this time of year and now, with family health issues, I’m so glad I’m here to support my Mom and Dad. It is a challenge though and I would appreciate your prayers.

Aside from a surgery occurring later this month within the family that will have significant recuperation time (and with that its own challenges), my mom mentioned to me this morning how she is aware of her own mortality and the desire to do all that she can in the time that’s remaining. With two siblings dying at 63 years of age, Mom, now 61, is keen to live her life to the full. I certainly don’t want to contemplate life without either of my parents, but I commend both of them in all that they are each doing with the time that is given.

Competition Results

I'll leave it to a friend to describe (she explains much better than I) as she writes a letter to her Dad overseas:

Well Dad, our 3 girls did us proud! Really well behaved and looked good. We did have competition in the filly under 1 class :-( as there was a classy little filly finer than ours but at least 3/4 QH rest unknown ie NO known Australian breeding! Not as well behaved as ours though - lots of white eye and played up in the ring.

Unfortunately she got first.

The judge had problems separating ours but Tobruk (who is out of the insane black Thornthwaite mare) as expected got 2nd then to our surprise Miss Kokoda (out of Miss Muffet half sister to Anzac and full sister to Larrikin) got 3rd. Mind you she was "insulted" by 3rd (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) and would not let the steward put the white ribbon on her - reared up high and pulled the lead out of Liz's hands and took off...twice ...didn't go far and easily caught both times though (by strangers!).

The judge was very impressed with the quality of our horses. Tobruk was given reserve champion foal (the filly who beat her got first) as there was no colts to compete for it. We then put Kokoda and Tobruk in progeny pair and they beat an older pair (one white one dark brown who didn't behave) and got first!

Other comments from the judge if I remember right were "I've got horses this age and I don't know if I'll bother showing them with this competition" and "are you going in the futurities with these - you should" He was impressed with the quality and behaviour of our horses (even though Kokoda reared) - by the way she accepted the blue ribbon when Liz put it on carefully - steward didn't try! so see it was cos she was offended at the colour.

Thank God for safety (literally) she's only little but her hooves at head hight are very scary! She's a good little girl though and it was a huge surprise to get two ribbons.

Tea or Sex?

I'm up this morning before the sun has risen, getting ready to drive off to our first competition. I've decided in these early, dark, freezing hours that if I had the choice for the rest of my life of never having tea again or never having sex, I would indeed choose tea - a thousand times over!

Yes... perhaps a bit of an off colour blog but it's EARLY!

Show Time

This long weekend I've been keeping myself busy, both out of necessity and desire... necessity because on Saturday we've got our first show - the weanling fillies are being shown at the Marburg show - we're in with a good shot to at least get a place... desire because when I stop, I have too many unanswered questions.

Think on These Things

It's so true that God, through the Bible, instructs us to do things not because he wants us to follow all these rules, but because they're actually good for us. One of these instructions that was highlighted to me today was the passage in Philippians 4:8, encouraging us to think on good things.

Two friends and I were discussing depression this afternoon and why it is that when we have so much going for us, such great families, such good jobs, such prospects and such a wonderful lifestyle we still get down, me more than either of them, but all of us facing the same affliction of getting overcome and "down".

One of my friends said it could be because we're so quick to focus on what's going bad, when really, we have so much great stuff - we have our health - yes, sometimes it is dodgy, but we can still walk on both legs - we have our family - we have our friends - we have our hobbies and jobs and all manner of things to be thankful for, and yet, we so often ponder on the bad instead of the good.

I'm so guilty of doing this. Someone asks me how I'm going, and immediately all the wrongs in my life jump to mind instead of all the rights. Moreso, within my own mind, I face a constant battle to keep on top of the anxieties that edge their way into my mind.

How good our God is to us, and how right he is in encouraging us to think on the good things and let our cares rest in the arms and heart of our Saviour.

(I was reminded of God's place in all this discussion when I glanced up as I was getting in my car this evening - a myriad of stars shone in the sky, and I remembered who it is that knows my name and all that troubles my heart)

Blogging from my car...

Yes - you read that correctly, I'm blogging from my car... I'm blogging from my car while I wait for RACQ to turn up because my car won't start. I'm blogging from my car as I get later and later for an afternoon tea appointment with the Harrison's... I'm blogging from my car as it pelts down rain outside... I'm blogging from my car as one by one my work colleagues leave to go home... I'm blogging from my car - ok I'll stop here!

A great night out

I've just returned home from an evening at Ev's place and I must admit that I haven't had such a good, relaxed conversation for quite some time. Evan and I graduated together at Toowoomba Christian College, and have stayed in contact through the years. It was a really cool night where we discussed everything from wine to school mates to love to religion to God to who would have ever thought 10 years ago that we'd be sitting here doing what we now are discussing it all over a bottle of merlot

It has been decided though, that as two of the remaining 4 unmarried graduates from our class we shall enjoy a bottle of wine at each subsequent wedding... and when we're the last two left, perhaps two bottles...

It's really good to have people in our lives that we can pick up after years of not speaking or staying in good contact, and really being just "acquaintances", to have a night like tonight. Yes, the wine was good - and as a good friend has taught me I'm drinking lots of water so I'll be fine for work in the morning, but more than that - it was good just to shoot the breeze and have a night out.

A small achievement

Aside from learning a great deal of new things at work (update: now including the Adobe Creative Suite 3 package including Dreamweaver, Fireworks and Photoshop…) I also feel lost in quite a few other areas.

While I won’t go into them here, I was encouraged when I came home this evening to do something proactive (no dinner to cook tonight as Mom and Dad are at a meeting – yeah!! I feel like a housewife coming home from work each night and starting to cook dinner straight away). I've cleaned my jewelry stands and vanity area which had worked itself into an abysmal mess… Don’t you think it looks pretty???

In other news, I just got an email from a friend I knew back in 2002 and after a heap of emails back and forwards discussing philosophy we got busy with reality and dropped out of contact – he’s been in Brisbane for the past 3 years working as a software engineer! How small the world is…

Out of Bounds

I'm fairly confident on computers... in fact... in most office environments I've been in, I'm the "go to person" for "HELP! How do I do this" type questions.

At the moment though, I feel like a school kid who's wondered into the "out of bounds" are of the play ground and suddenly realised there was a reason for it being restricted. For instance, my reading at the moment consists of the Joomla! User Manual, OneNote training docs, and the Inspiration User Manual... I'm learning a Content Management System and how to manage a website all in the name of being a P.A... that in addition to research and further learning of more programs... By the way - can anyone recommend to me a program that enables you to have multiple desktops on one monitor? (apparently the new mode of education is 8 display screens all running simultaneously).

It's just a big learning curve..

This week will be a busy one, aside from my job (which I really do enjoy!) I have dinner invitation on Wednesday (Evan's cooking!) heaps of cooking and housework, and a great weekend with the possibility of a surprise visit by Phil Phil :) Seems like weekend visits are the thing of the future - Nev and Viv are also here on Thursday (YEAH!!) - which reminds me, Thursday night is the launch of Emily's Voice in Toowoomba - if you're in town it would be great to see you there

Surprise!

Kimba's brought Liam and Maigen up today for a surprise visit from Canberra, and we went out tonight to Amigo's for Liam's Birthday.

John, Carly and Elena came, thus the photo displayed of Elena! Twas a great night and will be a wonderful surprise weekend... although, after a huge week for various reasons and very busy work days I'm praying for the energy to keep up.

Getting it Right

I was in a lingerie store this evening and overheard a conversation between a very ticked off girlfriend and a not so interested boyfriend... she was complaining that he didn't help her, and he was asking what she wanted his opinion for...

It made me think how often we miss the point. We do something for someone (or so we think) like this girl buying sexy underwear for her partner's pleasure, and yet the someone that we're trying to please just isn't that interested in what we're doing. (There may be a guy's perspective on this - it's just my feminine take on the situation.)

There's so many possible applications to this issue, but tonight, I'm too tired to put energy into the typing of them - but it is worth thinking on. Do we do what we do because that's how we feel loved, do we do what we do because that's what we think another wants, do we do what we do because that's what someone really appreciates, or, do we just do whatever the hell we want to do?

Copying Beethoven

I write this while lying in my bed, listening to the majestic orchestration of the Classic Composers. Beethoven, Brahms, Handle, Strauss, and Vivaldi echoing through the house as I close my eyes and listen to the wonder that their music evokes.

Beethoven believed that music was/is the language of God and it is nights like tonight which I agree with him (and Brahms who also believed that). To be carried away on the streams and currents contained in these pieces is one of the joys in life for me. I tend not to listen to CD's though because the quality is so substandard to hearing it live that I just don't enjoy it as much...

Tonight though is different. Mom and I watched Copying Beethoven, a movie staring Ed Harris, based very loosely on Beethoven's last years and ninth symphony... very little historically accurate from what I can gather, but simply outstanding musically. So tonight, I throw away my snobbish dislike for CD quality orchestral work and go to sleep listening to the language of God speaking to my soul.

(This blog was also of interest - Finding God through Billy Joel & Bud Light)

Absolute or Circumstantial?

I went to communion this evening at St Luke's for a refreshing change (and to be honest because I listened to an on-line sermon, watched 3 disks of Season 6 Gilmour Girls and hung out with mom instead of going to church this morning). Aside from the liturgy and readings, the sermon was not one I'd usually hear... in fact, I don't think I've ever heard a pastor say what the priest said tonight...

He said that there was no such thing as absolute sin. No black and white. Instead, sin is circumstantial. Yes, slightly more liberal teaching then my usual digs, in fact, slightly more liberal then my usual Communion Priest! Usually I get very solid teaching, tonight, I leave wondering what is going on???

He based the homily on the passage "Christ came that you might have life and live it abundantly" in comparison that "the devil comes to kill steal and destroy", so if you're living in life and having abundant fun it's all good - but if you're living in death (i.e. not fun) then you're living in sin. Part of it I agree with - yes, Christ does bring life, we are supposed to walk in harmony with people, and it is when relationships are living in lies, when there's not honesty in relationships (another of his points) that we're living in sin. But to go so far as to say there's no absolutes I completely disagree with.

Yes, circumstance does have a part to play in our society and justice system. Someone killing a rapist in self defense is one of them - the jury looks at the evidence and states the murder wasn't murder, although a life was taken. However, what about the rape? Is it ever right to rape someone? What circumstance would make that right?

Yes, Sin is Sin, my sin of lying in God's eyes is just as bad as adultery - we all have fallen short, and that's what Grace is about - he HAS forgiven us and we rejoice and live freely in that... but to say that there are no absolutes??

Yes, a bit of a rant tonight. Good news though - Jonno and Carly are back from the UK and brought back wonderful gifties - tins of tea and greek almond biscuits :)

*** oh - I must also add, the priest sounded like Mr Smith from the Matrix - how ironic is that!

What a Weekend!

And it's only just begun :)

On Thursday Barb and I shanghaied mom into coming down with us to BrisVegas to see Craig and Debbie on Friday. We decided to go down the night before so we didn't have to wake at a shockingly early hour to meet them at the airport.

I never thought I'd be asking the question "Barb, what side of the bed do you want?" but yes, it happened! The hotel mixed up our order and instead of giving us a King which could be split we got a Queen which couldn't be. Oh well, pillows down the middle make life possible :)

Seeing Debbie and Craig was great (photos will be up soon) and for those who haven't heard there's some great news about an engagement! Deb (my long time Beer Buddie) introduced me to another beer - Kilkenny.

After driving in the city and back I crashed last night, to have a long lie in this morning with the Gilmour Girls and I'm about to head off to the farm for a ride and some handling of the weanlings...

Photos will be up soon. By the way - if anyone in Toowoomba reads this, please remind me to keep trusting in God, that and praying, I'm busily being busy but blatantly belated in many tasks...

Oh - and where is my head? I was supposed to have a photo shoot this afternoon which I completely forgot about - I won it by entering in a competition at the Bindi Spot (a local Indian restaurant) and am annoyed I missed it - I feel like I never take nice photos and this was going to be a nice one! How vain I am...

oh and oh again, I'm so proud of myself, I didn't buy this amazing Bora dress in Brisbane, soft autumn pink silk, completely backless with a soft train - the perfect red carpet dress... I loved it and it loved me, but alas - no occasion and my budget said no. How good am I???

A new season?

I love Autumn.

I wake with a fresh sense of excitement about the day (well… I do if I’m not having a down day!), I sit on the porch and have breakfast with mom, then travel to work listening to my country music (I know a few people are cringing now!) and sit at my desk with the flowers outside and wish now and then that I could play hookie to go for a horse ride in the perfect weather.

Yesterday I got an email that was an answer to prayer. I have no idea if anything will happen, but just knowing what I now do has given me a sense of peace after a weekend of making myself crazily busy so I wouldn’t stay at home waiting for the phone to ring.
More than anything though, I don’t want to run ahead with my thoughts, daydream and live in fantasy. Instead, and this is my prayer, that I would glorify God with my whole being now and always… and continue to place my trust in him and not myself or other people. If my life is his, then I can trust him to guide me and guide others whose actions affect my life.

KFC, Baskin and Robin, and one great chick flick... the order for the evening

I like my job. In fact, there's a lot about my job I love. Today however was not such a great day. I felt pressured and stressed and just like slamming the door on everyone after telling them in awfully polite terms to do nothing other than "piss off if you please".

So, after going to the farm to feed the horses for my friend who's horribly sick, I've come home via some very unhealthy stops to watch The Wedding Date. I know I'll probably feel worse at the end of the evening, but for now I feel a whole heap better.

Few things beat comfy jamies when you want to curl up and forget about your day!

DOH! Dad has just come home.. change of plans with the movie but I'll survive - by the way - Have I posted yet that I have the best living arrangement? Mom and I decided this morning that I'd do the cooking and household shopping and she'll do all the laundry etc. and bathrooms! Oh I love a flexible lifestyle and amazing parents :)

$0 - Rich

I like to spend money. In fact, I love having a regular income now because it enables me to buy all sorts of wonderful things, not only for myself but also for friends and family.

Yesterday for instance I picked up this amazing little book called "this little piggy went to Prada" with nursery rhymes for the fashion minded - I love it - and it was over half price off! Not to mention the fact that my tea and tin collection is growing again, and little things like the cost of petrol - $70 to fill up my car!!!

While I've worked out a small giving portfolio, I've been struggling to pay off a few debts to people, and save money... yes, no prizes for why that's the case!

So yesterday when my eye was caught by the book $0 to Rich in Mary Ryan I decided to give it a go. It has the most practical advice for saving (even on a government pension) and once you've reached certain goals, how to invest that money to make it work for you.

In light of all of this, I'm going to start following her advice. Little by little actually saving, and then getting that money to work for me. It's a bit different to how I have been thinking: Get money, give to people, pay off home loan, have nothing left over!

It's quite exciting, and I believe very biblical in terms of stewardship. It doesn't mean that the money you save is yours, it's all still God's, but you've got it there to bless and you're not frittering it away.

The following steps are basically my interpretation of what she's saying in terms of a budget (with a biblical slant):

Payday - Money comes in
10% tithe (no, she doesn't cover this!)
of the remainder
- 33% savings (put directly into a savings account) - she states that if you're starting out work off 10% and then each year work up to 1/3 of your income
- 33% Bills
- 33% for yourself. So out of this money would come things like personal spending, gifts, holidays and yes, for me, giving portfolio

And from there... allocate your savings to make it work. Highly recommended. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to fair with this lifestyle/thinking change especially with overseas trips I need to make this year and getting more into the expensive equine world but I'm very keen to try. It's also quite a different mindset considering in some parts she's talking 30 YEARS! I'm more a month by month, day by day kinda girl so the switch will be interesting, but I'm certain more beneficial.

Should I be worried??

We were watching t.v. and mom suggested I apply for the TV show "the farmer wants a wife"... oh my goodness... I'm not desperate but perhaps I should be if my parents are!!!

(for the record, Dad is firmly against it, not because of the t.v. show but because he thinks I wouldn't survive in the middle of no where without people to talk to and my internet!!!!!!)

The Difference of a Name

While watching the local news I heard about a lady whose three children were in a car with her which crashed, two of them dying at the scene and the third of whom was in a critical condition.

While watching the National news I heard the same story but the additional details of a familiar family name of the grand father, and the name of the mother. How horrified I was that this family which I had heard about 20 minutes earlier with little regard was known to me. It was just another news story, now it is incredibly sad news.

After speaking a family member who is more known to me, I ask for your prayers this evening for Carmen (4 years old) the little girl who has survived her brother Elliot (1) and sister Lydia (6), as she fights for her life in a hospital in Brisbane, and of course for their mother Megan as she recovers in Toowoomba. I'd also ask for you to lift up the extended family, my friend Merrin in particular who has lost her niece and nephew, and her parents Allan and Colleen.

May you all tuck your children in extra tight tonight.

Quick Update

After a wonderful short break at the Gold Coast on Friday night, Lynda and I came home yesterday via Tamborine Mountain.

Have just come home from an AMAZING two hour set from Jars of Clay at Easterfest!!! Stunning, especially following the Open Air Combined Churches Service with 10,000 people and the QLD Symphony Pop Orchestra.

Heading down to the farm now to spend the night, wean a foal and then back up the hill to help pack up Easterfest.

It's been a busy 3 days :)

Blessed Be Your Name

Mom told me on the way to the markets this morning that at Church today would be an american boyfriend of a recent missionary. They, like Ian and I, had broken up, but now he has come over to Australia to visit her and her family for 6 months to see if they could work things out.

Oh the pain. And the joy. And the tears. And the questions.

I'm happy for her as I know something of how hard the journey has been, but oh I'm so selfish. Yes, I am content in my single life, but not a day goes by in which I don't miss Ian and the relationship which we had.

So as I sat in church, seeing out of the corner of my eye his arm around her, with his hand gently stroking her shoulder, feeling the pain of what has been lost from my life, I asked God to help me through this time, yet again. That I, and others who are also in pain because they can't be with someone they love, will be able to sing out loud "blessed be your name".

New Life

The koru is the Māori name given to the new unfurling fern frond and symbolizes new life, growth, strength and peace.

I thank my brother for this symbolic, and beautiful gift.

Bliss

I'm planning my holidays for Easter... yes, I am leaving it late but for the moment my best mate and I are going to stay at Sea World Resort and go to the Outback Spectacular. Ohhh... I'm feeling relaxed just thinking about it!

So looking forward to this, and the possibility of Hong Kong mid year and the UK at the end of the year!!! (not to mention a weekend sometime in NZ to visit my Nan and brother and a weekend sometime to visit my family in Canberra!!!).

Yes, my life is good. And not just because of holidays. I do grumble a lot, but I have SO much to be thankful for.

Life is bliss. I get discouraged easily, but at the end of the week, I have much more to be thankful for than disappointed about.

Disappoint This

How do you manage disappointment? Big ones, little ones and others that are just inconveniencing to our plans.

Today I had some news that just offset me a little bit. Something that I've been planning for a little while now and one of the variables changed on me. At this relatively minor news I had all sorts of crazy ideas, going back to university, leaving the country, and generally just flaking.

How sad it is that I think of the easy options when disappointment confronts me. I've been battling to think positively, and yet, I still feel let down - even when there is so much that is good in my life. At the heart of the issue, I think I'm disappointed in myself for a range of reasons.

So, my question to the empty space is this: When disappointment strikes, are we more often disappointed with the situation/circumstances or ourselves?

"What's mine is yours"

St Benedict said that we should welcome every stranger as if they were Christ himself... based upon the scripture: what you do for the least of these you do for me.

This ethos has lead me to consider in a deeper way what it means, not only to be hospitable, but also think in a more practical way about possessions. I've said to a few friends recently "what's mine is yours", but if what we have (life, time, money, energy, items etc.) is not ours at all (instead they are just given to us as to a steward to take care of by God) and we are to treat everyone as if they were Christ, the true owner, then should we take this thought to it's end conclusion that what we have is everyone's?

Does "my" money belong to the Jehovah's Witness that knocks on the front door? How should we be proper stewards in responsibly dealing with possessions, and yet open handed towards the needs of others? If someone takes something from me (again: time, life, money, energy or items) should I accept it as if it were Christ taking? IS it Christ?

The most important "things" in my life are my parents. What if Christ takes them? How would I deal with the pain and yet be open handed in my acceptance that they belong to Him?

In taking steps of faith, in living by faith, in trusting God on a daily basis - acknowledging that it IS him who provides all we need (job, air, food etc.) how much more do I want to continue in being open handed - a good steward - but do we go to the extreme? Is there a middle ground that is biblical, or is the "extreme" how it should be and we only consider it extreme because of what we are told in our consumerist western world?

News of the Hour...

I have a job... I have PERMANENT job.... I have a PERMANENT job WHICH I REALLY LIKE!

Other than that, have really appreciated the process of seeking God's will in which job to take etc. through this time I've been so blessed with more direction, a bit more passion, and some really big plans - so stay tuned - maybe some more big news soon :)

"God Bless"

After paying for my purchase this afternoon at a local catholic bookstore, the assistant simply said "God Bless" as I walked away. I was astounded by the depth of emotion that gushed through me and the wave of thankfulness that someone said "God Bless".

In an instant recognising the bond we have, as strangers yet sisters. In an instant praying a blessing. In a moment seeking to give and not to receive. In eternity, giving glory to the only one that can really bless us.

God Bless

Seeing Life in 3D

My friends have recently gotten a massive plasma, digital tv and it's taking a little while to get used to watching movies on it as... well... the images seem too lifelike! There's such depth and any soft focusing doesn't appear - faces are the real size (if not bigger) and CG tends to become more obvious.

I'm feeling a bit like that at the moment... like I'm seeing life in 3D, smells are sweeter, colours more saturated, feelings more real, more depth all round. Like someone waking from a dream after dreaming of waking.

I think I've been feeling crudly for so long that I'm hoping against all hope this won't go away - I won't become apathetic to how good it feels to be well, to be alive and to have something to live for.

What's wierd is that I don't have any new plans, nothing amazing has happened recently (aside from my health improving) that would account for this awareness... I'm just loving life and it seems, for once, to be loving me :)

A Winning Day

First off, my team (the Queensland Reds) have just broken a miserable losing streak to win 22-16 over the Highlanders... A brilliant first rugby match of the season and one I'm so glad I'm home to watch!

On the job front, I'm really enjoying temping at my old school, as my Principal's Secretary. It's been a bit of a learning curve, but one on which a Friday night I feel great about.

On the health front, my latest two lots of antibiotics are working their winning ways.

On the prospective job front, I've got an interview on the 28th.

On the life front - I'm enjoying it!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

This was sent to me today… hope you enjoy!

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realise that he must first deal with the problem on 'this' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'other side' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'current' problems before adding 'new' problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens, crossing the road in peace….

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chick book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken

Over the past few weeks I've been challenged through reading a book and various conversations about my faith and trust in Jesus Christ.

This book, The Gate Seldom Found, relates the history of the early House Church movement in Canada. Each page reads like a living sermon, speaking to my spirit and challenging the way I live and think.

On a day to day basis, how much do I place my trust in Jesus - and how much do I rely on my own skills and talents to complete my goals. Laying everything down and accepting that all we are given, both talents and possessions are just gifts entrusted to us by God, not our own to keep but items that we are stewards of - items to hold loosely should he ask for them to be redistributed. Do people recognise within my relationships the love of Christ? Are people drawn to Him by our love for each other?

All of these things I've been chewing on, and so much more. Each day to take up and lay down, open handedly but with an assurance that he'll take care of us. It's a familiar road but one I'd like to wear a deep rut in.

My Fabulous Mother

At 60 years of age how many grandmothers would go out and buy a scooter, not for their kids or even grandkids, but for themselves? To my thinking not many… but my fabulous mother has!

It goes so wonderfully on our tiled floors too we’re thinking that she should keep this one for inside, and get another for her outdoor exercise :)

(and speaking of fabulous parents – my dad’s just had his book published with the signing event a fortnight ago – check out my flickr page for some photos of the talented man!)

206 Unread Emails Later...

I've just finished my first week back at work following my operation and yes, it is true - I've got 206 emails to read/delete.. sigh.

In a quick blog update:

• I'm distressed that I go out to a coffee shop and don't know what to order! My standby of hot chocolate now doesn't make the trade as I have a fabulous Organic Hot Chocolate mix at home, I'm a tea snob so rarely will I enjoy a tea out more than at home, I don't like sugary drinks, I don't like pre-mix syrups and I don't drink coffee! So I settled for a fabulous Chardonnay when out this evening :)
• Anybody that knows me knows I always wear 2 rings... I looked at my hands recently and wondered what was wrong. I took them off after my op. and hadn't put them back on! Even when I was in school with a non-jewelry rule I always broke the rule - now when working at my old school and can legally wear them I'm not!
  
• I've applied for my dream job with my heart in my mouth and my stomach churning
• Mom and I are watching the West Wing of an evening
• I'm cooking Banana Cake this weekend

Keep smiling - It's a great day to be alive