The Facebook Delema - the temptation to be popular

I've joined Facebook and have a growing number of friends within my less than week membership. I'm struggling though with two things, the second of which may seem a contradiction to this blog.

Firstly, do I really need another form of communication in my life?
Secondly, do I want the 69 people who are currently listed as my friends to have access to personal details about my life?

The former is answered easily, no, I don't. However as some people use Facebook as the primary form of communication and staying "in touch" with people it does have the end product of a quicker and easier connect with them.

The latter... No - in honesty I don't. I'm uncomfortable with some people knowing about my life and having access to it. Not necessarily because I'm ashamed, but more so that this blog is an expression of my life which is at times quite personal. While I don't state many specifics, reading in between the lines you can gather quite a lot. Having acquaintances logging on to this section of my life is more uncomfortable then those who wander here periodically because they genuinely care about me or what I write - rather than the former friend or schoolmate who is looking for the latest goss.

So, with that having been said, I've taken the blog link off my Facebook page.

Which leads me to the title of this post: Facebook is a popularity contest. Yes, you want to be in contact with people who you count as your friends... but how many people do you honestly want to know that you're now single (which I recently saw on my news page as my friend had changed her relationship status). How many people do you Not people who log in to see how YOU are going, but just working on other things and see that at the same time?

I added my blog post with a vague, ill thought prideful action that more people might come to my blog and I'd get more dots on my visitor's wall - again - a popularity contest. Then I realised that I was actually thinking "oh, what will ... think about me if they read this", which is in direct opposition to the premise on which I write this blog: to be honest, both with myself and others and through that either encourage others, or look back in times to come and see my journey more clearly.

I know I'm contradicting myself here... with one breath I'm saying "blow what anyone else thinks, I'm going to stay the course I've set" and with another I'm second guessing my vulnerability.

Be all that as it may, I've limited my Facebook profile and taken my email address of it (for the first time ever I'm starting to get junk mail - I started getting it about 6 minutes after I joined up)

AGHHHR!!!

Clever me locked herself out of her computer.. i.e. I completely and utterly forgot my password. As such, I've had to go somewhere to get it fixed (thanks Greg) but in the process have lost my morning, all my saved Skype chats and sent emails.

So - if anyone's sent me a Skype in the last day which I haven't replied to.. SORRY! Chances are I won't see it.

Almost over

Today has been a highly productive, although somewhat emotional day.

Following my interview (which I got - I'm temping but still need to interview and shall be at a Catholic Education HQ for the next 3.5 weeks from Wednesday) I came home to continue the task I set for myself today - sorting out my photo album!

I'm going through all of my digital photos since 2005 and am going to get them printed in a professional book. Of course, as those who have seen my photos will know, there is a great deal of weeding going on as not a lot of em are all that good! I also finally transferred my NZ shots from 2004 on to my laptop.

I'm quite looking forward to continuing this project, and while I haven't started the layout I have compiled the main list of photos. It's hard to know which ones to put in and which ones not to though in some respects. Some are of a life that is no longer... do I put them in or is it best to move on and edit them out? Not the time, but just the more personal shots. I'm leaning towards that option.

And also, when do I stop? I know clearly when I'm starting... but do I finish the album with my return to Australia or do I keep it going until the end of October? At least that way I get to incorporate some flower and horse shots into the picture.

It is fun to have a creative project going - other than my sister-in-law's christmas present (curious still Kimbas? - with all this hype I better make sure it's good!)

The storm if you were wondering was uneventful - filled with much needed rain but no lightning or hail in our area.

Off to bed - one more day's holiday tomorrow then back to work... ahhh... it's a tough life!

Silence is golden

We're about to have a massive storm so I'll only be quick.

Quick update though:
Finished up with my job on Friday (and got a phonecall this morning to say can I pay back the $366 that I was overpaid in Tax!)
Have an interview at 2pm for a temp job with Catholic Education
Have joined Facebook... jury is still out if it is good or bad (I'm horrible keeping in communication without ANOTHER method!)
I went to St Luke's on Sunday (a local Anglican church) and loved it

Fare thee well - huge hail storm etc. about to hit and I must batten down the hatches

Toast and Honey

is very Yummy :P

Some Photos from Sunday

Down at the farm today I took the following photos, thankfully, Lynda didn't take one of my face whilst I held a mare being served by the stallion... I just didn't know where to look! I'm a professional now though and will make a much better (blushless) assistant next time

I also have some great sequence shots that I don't want to put up on Flickr as they are though - so if anyone has any suggestions I'd gladly take them.

My Saturday

After a productive morning of housework, Lynda and I spent the afternoon handling horses. I was astounded as I reflected on the ages of the foals and how they acted compared to humans or other mammals at the same stage in life.

For instance - They're thinking. Creatures with an already defined personality - some are curious & friendly, others are stubborn, some are snobbish and still others are brash and bossy. At only ten days old one foal impressed me with her calm presence when under pressure. Being asked to walk for the first time with a rope around her neck, never handled by humans before, she was patted and pushed and kept away from mommy and milk - keeping her head where others have failed. My favourite, a young cold of 23 days age after three small sessions of under five minutes, now lets me approach and pat him in the paddock and scratch him all over.

I'm just blown away that these creatures are so young, and not so long ago were still gestating in their mother's womb. Now, out in the world they're coping marvellously. I can only wonder at the difference between this and humans with my mind bursting with comparisons and lessons to be learnt.

A funny anecdote though - our stallion was tempted by a mare coming on heat so we moved her out of his paddock considering the danger of him becoming permanently injured while attempting to "perform" when she's not quite as eager as he is. We switched her with another mare and for the next few hours could observe him trying to prove his male dominance by keeping her penned in different parts of the paddock. What was funny though is no matter how many times he got kicked, or how hard (I heard the impact of a few 100 meters away) he didn't give up - nor did he forget the more desirable and in season mare just across the road - just goes to show, men really do have thick skulls!

- and yes, for those who are concerned with his welfare, he was put in a smaller enclosure by himself overnight, with only food and water for company. You can't help them that don't want help!

Every now and then we all have "two teabag" days.

For instance, this morning as I drove to work, bleary eyed for my early Wednesday 7:30 start, I realised my current life somewhat resembles Bridget Jones.
- I've picked up the habit of buying Instant Scratch Its
- I'd be dating her two boyfriends (Ben and Jerry) if they lived in Toowoomba, but have happily settled for second best, moving in with Baskin and Robin
- While I can't weight myself religiously due to my lack of scales, whenever I find some I do, getting this sick sort of pleasure by looking at how thin I am as she did returning from prison in Thailand!
- I don't mind drinking alone

Unlike Bridget, I spoke at my church on Sunday night, sharing some of my experiences from the past two years. One of the most impacting things for me, and apparently also for others was playing a slideshow of people we helped over my time there to the background of Helen Mottee's song "Don't Tell Me". It provided a great contrast between the impact and change doing can make, with the tempting apathy of today's world. Thank you Helen!

Today was a great day, a really, really, really great day. I won't go in to the why, but it was great! (bet you're all curious now aren't you?). My great day may in time crash and burn around me but I'm riding the high while it lasts.

Finally - a question. For all the ladies out there, how much lipstick do you think you will eat in a lifetime? I pondered this as I saw mine slide off onto my tea cup and biscuit today.

The World of News (other than the election)

The Australian Federal Election date of November 24th was announced yesterday and all n sundry can now expect 6 weeks of little else on the news.

As such, and as an alternative to my recent introspective blogs, I've decided to highlight some other news in these coming 6 weeks.

To start it off for week one - an Australian performer has had an ear implanted into his arm... Click on the image to read more:

For the past month I've been dreading yesterday and today. The reason is quite personal so I won't go into it, suffice it to say - my dread has been justified... it's been a truly horrid time.

Last night Lynda came up and we went out for coffee (i.e. she had coffee, I had a Baileys and hot chocolate with a glass of port) and shared a dish of french toast with maple syrup and strawberries.

Tonight however has been another story.

I didn't finish work until 6pm after which I raced home to get changed before rushing down to feed the horses which had already been fed. Not that I minded though - I've found keeping busy is good. So on my way up the Toowoomba Range with nothing but a lonely night ahead of me, I found myself praying "God, please just help me through tonight". And you know what? So far he has :)

I got the flash of inspiration that all any girl really needs is a Baskin and Robins 2 scoop sunday with some junk food to go along, so I went to the other side of town, got this (and ate half my sunday whilst in the drive through line), cruised home on a sugar high with my radio turned up way past where its dodgy sound system should be, car moshing like Animal on the Muppets singing as loud and out of tune as possible.

I'm writing this all out because it doesn't seem so bad if I can share it - the pain is palpable although unseen, and I'm hoping that by trivialising it one day I'll look back and smile thinking "that wasn't so bad after all".

P.s. Something really great did happen today though - I'm an Aunty again :) ... well... kind of! Welcome to the world Joshua David Hamilton Solanky - I sooooo look forward to meeting you.

Why Does My Heart Feel So Bad

Letting Go?

After listening to a very poignant sermon today from Bruce Louden, I went down to Spring Bluff for some quite time with my Maker over a cup of tea and a long lunch.

While sitting down, alternating between my book, enjoying the stillness and speaking out smatterings of the confusion and wrestling struggle I'm facing, I was reminded of this poem.

As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God
Because He was my friend.

But instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help
With ways that were my own.

At last I snatched them back and cried,
"How can you be so slow?"
"My child," He said, "What could I do?
You never let them go."

Today, this afternoon, I want to let go - at least, I want to want to let go! I know I need to let go and trust God with that segment of my life - knowing I can't try to control it anymore, knowing I must leave it in his hands 'til he mends it (& me) and gives it back, or, until he mends me and trusts me with something else.

I'm not sure how to do this, as I said, I'm not even sure I want to. I know I need to though, and I ask for His Grace to help enable me.

Saturday Mornings

Until this morning, I had forgotten how GOOD Saturdays can be.

You wake up and are keen to get out of bed even though you don't have to, vacuum the car, eat some breakfast, go bargain shopping at the local Vinnie's (Tommy Hilfiger slacks for $4!) and have your car washed (water restrictions mean we can't wash them ourselves), before heading home via the petrol station to clean your room - All before 11am!

So with all my chores finished (aside from feeding the horses tonight down at the farm) what to do with the rest of the day??

The answer to that is easy - write a blog (in progress), read some more of my book, and later on head to Spring Bluff for a cup of tea prior to heading to the farm.

Oh what a life I lead :)

Yes - I'm obviously still in the after buzz of my empowerment fix yesterday, but making the most of it!

Out of Character - but LOVING it!

Today I did the unthinkable... one of the most out of character things I've ever done... but I feel great having done it! "and what was it?" I hear you ask??? I quit my job!

"But I didn't even know you we're working" you say in response - and it's true, which makes what I've done even more surprising - I have given notice after two weeks, to a job that needs someone who is wiling to commit much more than I.

I feel so EMPOWERED, much more than I have in a long time, if, in fact, ever! I have made a choice - and based on many valid reasons, I will leave my job at the end of October, having done the right thing by my employer and by me.

In writing the word "choice" there, I think that is part of the empowerment. For a long time I've felt tossed by the winds of fate - and even though I've known that God is in control, I've felt very little control, just hanging on and trusting. This job, which I didn't look for has been part of that journey of trust and I'm thankful that I'm choosing to depart, which I'm also trusting is right - it certainly feels right however much a change from the security seeking me :)

So happy days to all and sundry - make a choice today - and feel better off for doing so.

Over a year...Thank you!

It's astounding the many things that can occur in a year. Some wonderful, some heartbreaking, some life changing all piled together with the little seemingly insignificant moments which make up our day to day lives.

I realised recently that, aside from the posts on this blog chronicling aspects, views and bits of my life this past year, this blog also details the people who have visited. It's been visited 1145 times by people all over the world, and while the map's been restarted for another year, I'm taking this opportunity to reflect and say "Thanks for reading".

While some visitors appear to be one off's, others are repeat offenders (how I do love YOU!). There are some that log in (according to my Cluster Map) on a regular basis from places I'm not sure I know people from and others are known friends. Now is the time to do a shout out to you all - whoever you are and for whatever reason - welcome to my blog and happy reading.

With love from Somewhere_Smiling
(yes, still in toowoomba! how sad it is to be in a place which each time you spell it you're told you've done it wrong)

P.s. Feel free to leave comments :)

The Face of Toowoomba in October

Welcome to the first blog from Somewhere_Smiling (currently in Toowoomba and not so smiling with a very red nose from a cold) for October.

October in Toowoomba is a weird mix of cicadas’ singing softly catching on the warm evening breeze and Christmas trees wreathed in fake snow in the shopping centres.

It was delightful though last week crashing down at the farm for the weekend, pizzas and beer Friday night, filling the back of a ute with barbed wire – getting down and dirty with farm tasks and horses before going out for coffee in the afternoon with Lynda and Janelle and seeing the flowers at Spring Bluff Railway (check out the October Flickr set for photos). Sunday I wagged church to look at a Stallion before taking a nap on the veranda and watching a chick flick in the evening! How lovely is that for a weekend :)