Thankful for the day I never thought I would be thankful for

I didn't sleep that well last night, stress got the better of me and I was wakeful at the thought of today. A presentation to the full staff team still needed a lot of work, I had no idea how to actually work (i.e. modify & update) a new module on our website that I was demonstrating and have more areas than I'd rather admit needing more work then I can provide time for.

I prayed. I asked God to help me though. He did.

I sit at the end of the day, the end of a successful day in which I was faithful to do all that I could do, and I am thankful.

I get insecure, at what I don't do and what I can't do, quite often. I compare myself to others and I'm my own worst critic, especially where everything I do is critiqued in one way or another by the person who I directly represent (which is how in this type of job it always is). Yet, as I look back on today, and my anxiety last night, I'm thankful for today in a way I never thought I would be. I'm out of my league in so many areas, yet in that I'm reminded that God is made perfect in our weaknesses.

I hope an angel reminds me of today and God's faithfulness in bringing me through it next time I stress out... committing our ways to God does work, asking for guidance does help, trusting in God is not futile. No matter how simplistic it sounds.

The Challenge to be a Beauty Chaser

There is pain in this world, great pain, deep pain, seemingly insufferable and often excruciating... but it is redeemable.

I write this blog with the insight and teachings of Greg Fleming from the Maxim Institute who I've heard over the past two days at a conference in Brisbane. While on an intellectual level, I really appreciated all of his 4 sessions, the third hit me personally. If you've been reading this blog for a while, or know me outside of the on-line world, I don't think you'd be surprised to learn it was based upon the challenge of Pain and Suffering in our world.

I walked out of this third session burning with the belief that I want to be a beauty chaser. In a world of pain and suffering there is God's redemptive power calling to teach of us, whispering that there's something better than the twisted pain we experience resulting from this fallen world. There is beauty, there is goodness, and regardless of what we may sometimes feel - God IS Good.

I was challenged on my theology. Am I a consumeristic Christian? Defined by a newspaper columnist after the Elim School Tradgedy in NZ:

"Belief in God is not some sort of commercial transaction - I'll say my prayers every night, you protect me from any pain and grief - it doesn't work like that."

And with this theology crumble when things go wrong, doubting the very existence or inherent qualities of God? Or, do I believe and act as though, that regardless of my circumstance God is still just as good and powerful and loving. A belief that God isn't all about me (a tricky thing as Adrian Plass explains in his book Growing Up Pains where "Everyone is I") and what he can do for me, but that simply he is God, and my faith is in him.

Greg shared 6 principles of this theology entitled The Tension in the Reality:

1. God is good, the world is good, there is truth and beauty
2. There is also great pain and suffering
3. The fall brings this tension - it distorts that which is good
4. Ultimately sin curves in on itself - Incurvatus in se (Latin)
5. Whilst the direction of creation is twisted, it's structure is not
   
6. Because sin and evil are the twisting of good - not the opposite of it, we don 't disengage from the culture of creation but seek to redeem it.

A number of people have expressed to me on different occasions that God has gifted me with the ability to see life a little differently from most. Pain is deep. I want honesty (even where it hurts). I hate the "happy happy joy joy" of ignoring what's actually going on and brushing over issues. This view can bring cynicism, but it can also see beauty in difficult situations. It hears the rain falling on my roof right now and pictures the parched soil soaking it up, my Dad's gerbra's lifting their faces towards the downpour exalting in the drench...

I'd like to work a lot more on this topic of seeing the beauty, to choose and catalog the beauty amidst the pain, but I'm off to work for the moment and above are just some random thoughts not yet fully explored... but yes, I feel urged, amidst the pain that I often feel, amidst the anxiety and down times to relish life, to cherish beauty and to fight against the post-modern view that both are meaningless.

Home Again

Have just gotten home from a 2 day conference in Brisbane... will hold off from writing all that I was going to, and will instead just leave this teaser of a thought:

I want to relish life, cherish beauty and fight against the thought that both are meaningless.

Looking forward to elaborating on this soon!

Perhaps not this litter of puppies...

I just got this email responding to an enquiry about an Airedale puppy:

Hi Elizabeth,

One of my boy puppies went up to Toowoomba on Monday.

I still have 3 puppies left, 2 girls and 1 boy

The price is $1100.

Please call me on if you are interested.

Cheers

Andy

Perhaps not?? Unless anyone wants to purchase one for me, in which case I'd like a little girl :)

101 Things to do Before you Die

In my endevours to occupy myself during my holidays, I've picked up my trusty book "101 Things to do Before you Die".

I've updated it a bit, striking off #59, "Leave a Job You Hate" (that being the town planning job I got coming back to Toowoomba this year) along with #40 "Get a Free Upgrade on a Plane" (my trip last year to the USA - yeah for business class!!!) and have put in place an action plan for #77 "Learn to Read the Night Sky" - I'm taking an astronomy course in August!! It's 12 hours one Saturday, just before I head off to Hong Kong for Deb and Craig's wedding.

I'm never going to complete the list of the 101 things to do (and some of them I really don't want to do!), but it's quite fun picking it up and getting an idea, like the astronomy course.

P.s. Some of you might notice that I've taken down a blog recently - I've never done so before as this blog is an attempt to be honest and real, regardless of whether it shows a good or bad side of me. Great if it's good - if it's not so good, perhaps it might be an encouragement to others. I took this blog down however because whenever I saw the picture I posted, I felt that way again... it evoked emotions which were not healthy to dwell upon, and thus the decision for my own welfare.

Any thoughts?

I'm on holidays for three days from tomorrow and I have no idea what to do! I actually feel like working... as sick as that sounds (will go in for a few hours tomorrow anyway)! So, in the efforts to "get a life" are there any ideas from the great big world out there?

Its a grand life

I have had an amazing morning of driving slowly around town, enjoying the overcast day and rain. The markets were great as usual (although a little cold) and I've got this huge tub of freshly picked strawberries as a treat - I can't believe how great they taste!

I popped in to see Bruce, one of the guys at my bottle shop, for a bit of a yack and a recommendation for a new beer to try. I really love my bottle shop - they're always getting in new stock to try and every now and then I get a promo item - today Bruce gave me a some Johnny Walker cufflinks! It's quite fun and my beer knowledge is improving week to week, it's also really really nice to have a place where you're known as a regular and you go there as much to say G'day as you do to buy something.

Jack's coming round this afternoon for lunch and I'm quite excited as I haven't seen him in over a month. I asked Jonno what he now likes to eat, and I'm quite glad moved off the corn chip, avocado and sour cream phase.

Must run to get the house ready for the tribe - oh - and two great games last night if you missed them, do whatever you can to watch a replay of the NZ vs South Africa tri-nations match, it was the closest and best rugby match I've seen in a while.

Reality

I went to the pound yesterday looking for a new friend... It was a horrid experience looking at all those big searching "take me home" eyes with tails wagging and heads crying out for patting... knowing that if no one did take them home they would be put down.

Reality has struck though - now that I'm actually buying a dog, should I? Our yard and house looks absolutely amazing without the presence of an outside member of the family - we have a back porch where we all love to sit, grass that is thick and wonderful to walk on with no piles of poop to pick up. I want one for companionship and exercise and yes, peace of mind for when I live alone (a 3-4 month stint coming up), but it's a huge responsibility and one I don't want to take lightly...

I want a dog, but do I really?

Horribly Happy

I'm so excited about "my" website going live - heaps of effort and meetings and planning and the like...

(Actually, I need to correct myself - it's not "google live" as the old site needs to be deleted off the server for it to be the one that comes up... which was supposed to happen yesterday and today and will hopefully happen tomorrow... but still to my thinking it's live!)

I'm really really really happy about it... but horribly so, as silly me keeps on going to the site and looking through it when at home (I'm just so jolly proud of my baby!) which is stuffing up my statistics! *grin* ... that and all the people I skype and tell to have a look at it! Praise the Lord for Joomla! Enabling non-IT people like me succeed in the world ;)

Ok - I really do need to get a life!!!


P.s. For those who read yesterday's blog, you may be glad to hear that lovely IT Matt who's heading off to Holland has fixed my problem... did everything that I did, which yes, made me feel better, and then went to the Windows Registry which solved the issue - Yeah Matt!!!

Stolen Moments

Today ought to have been a really great day - in fact, up until 3pm it was.

I got out of bed fresh as a daisy, got to work early, sorted out the final few glitches before giving the ok for the website which I've been working on for the past 4 months to go "live". It was a truly successful and wonderful feeling. Following that, I was able to work on the "back end" of the site some more to enable parents to access things that the normal public can't.

The site looks good, the additions are functional, the admin staff are excited (which means more chance it will be fully utilised) it was a wonderful moment.

Moments get stolen though...

Around 3 O'clock I pressed one little button on my email client and !BOOM! no longer will it work on my laptop (not Kelper - my work laptop)... sigh... shut down, rebooted, unistalled, reinstalled, rebooted, uninstalled, reinstalled etc. etc. etc. it's still stuffed. My boss was a great help too telling me I shouldn't have "fiddled" with the button assuming I knew what its action would complete - yes. I wish I could have pressed rewind to the perfect moment I had earlier on... sigh.

To top it off my car wouldn't start again.

Now at home with a Kilkenny and hoping the issue can get sorted out tomorrow! I'm a PA for goodness sakes! I shouldn't be in charge of I.T.!!!