The best day...

Last night I fell asleep to Taylor Swift’s “The best day” – a song which completely summed up how I felt… and feel : “I had the best day, with you, today.”

For the past 3 weeks my brother closest in age to me has been staying with us, on summer break vacation from his studies in Canada. It has been amazing to have him as part of our “every day” lives again. What stands out so much though is how natural it all was – and for this I’m even more thankful! I’m outstandingly proud of him, not only what he’s doing but who he is as a person – and it was great just to “chill” with him again, as once we did so often.

Taylor Swift’s song has a line in it: “God smiles on my older brother, inside and out he’s better than I am”. I can’t agree more – not only with this brother, but all of them. Each are different, but each are amazing (you can’t hardly tell I’m a little sister can you?) No – not perfect, but pretty darn great.

Yesterday was the absolute cap to his time with us. We had a family brunch in the morning and finished the day with playing Dominion late into the night. With two of my brothers, my incredible sister-in-law, my parents and I just enjoying each other – enjoying the time together – enjoying the fact that we are family, and together we had the best day.

Over Time

I'm in the process of backing up my 5 year old laptop to wipe and restore - hopefully making it a wee bit faster and prolong its life somewhat. In doing so, I've come across a project which, 2.5 years ago took considerable time. It's a photo book filled with events spanning 4 years.

I mention it because now, when I go to print it, I realise that the service closed in June of this year. All that work, through my own slackness to finish a project, is wasted. I'm not quite sure what to think!

Of course I'm a bit miffed at myself, but I'm also giving myself a fair bit of grace - there was always a reason I didn't want to print that book - always an excuse to hold me back... but now, well, now I there's no more excuses, unless I do it all again with another provider, its too late.

Time is funny that way. Some things we really do think we can take forever on and it won't really matter. Other things we procrastinate on for reasons we would rather not confess, and still other items we hold off of on purpose.

The first is often incorrect - it sometimes does matter and in cases like this photo book, delay can be death. The second is valid at times, perhaps an awkward conversation we'd rather not have, or thinking about the issue is easier than not - but this too can have it's evils. A sore tooth which we avoid visiting the dentist about, may once have been able to be fixed by a simple filling but in choosing not to think about and action it may then have to be pulled when the dentist is finally consulted. Burrying our head in the sand does not often help. The third and last point is something in full knowledge that we choose to avoid - knowing and thinking through all the consequences. Again the problem is this - we don't know the future and can't always forsee the consequences. One might choose to be angry with someone - and then - that someone may die. Or, one may choose not to tell someone you love them and really, all the time they were just waiting for you to. For better or for worse we live with our decisions.

My point is this: Over time things change - sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, and sometimes irrevocably, and our lack of action can have consequences which we don't forsee.

Carry you to Jesus

I will not pretend to feel the pain you’re going through
I know I cannot comprehend the hurt you’ve known
And I used to think it mattered if I understood
But now I just don’t know

Well, I’ll admit sometimes I still wish I knew what to say
And I keep looking for a way to fix it all
But we know we’re at the mercy of God’s higher ways
And our ways are so small

But I will carry you to Jesus
He is everything you need
I will carry you to Jesus on my knees

It’s such a privilege for me to give this gift to you
All I’d ever hope you’d give me in return
Is to know that you’ll be there to do the same for me
When the tables turn

And if you need to cry go on and I, I will cry along with you, yeah
I’ve given you what I have but still I know the best thing I can do
Is just pray for you

I’ll carry you
I’ll take you to Jesus on my knees

Lyrics by Stephen Curtis Chapman

amusing

One would think that every major state newspaper today would be headlining the Australian Election results (or lack there of as the case may be)... one would think. The Northern Territory's headlines today bucked the trend though and have provided us with the following front page. An amusing start to the week:

I was doing some research on the web and in the process checked out my old church in Hong Kong’s website. I got the biggest pang of nostalgia I can remember in a long time.

I really, really miss my church. I also miss Hong Kong – not what I did there or where I worked, but Hong Kong as a place and city to live. Many of my memories are incredibly fond and while part of me is still recovering from aspects of what happened when I lived there, I would live there again in a heartbeat. I even miss the smells walking down a humid street...

I could do anything at the end of this year – there are so many options that are open to me and things that are possibilities. Do I restrict my options to a direction which I’m currently leaning, or do I instead go “yes, I loved this place, and if it happens again that I move there great – but for now – God – anywhere and anything I’m yours”. It’s a matter of trust – and yes, as someone’s recently reminded me – risk too.

I find myself thankful for the journey that I’m walking with God, my parents and close friends right now – it’s not comfortable, but I have to keep on reminding myself that it’s good. It’s very good.

bliss

"what are you thinking about" "tomorrow" - these are the last words of my favorite TV Series, The West Wing - a series which I tend to watch all the way through, about once or twice a year. I don't skip through to my favorite parts, even though I know it so well, but I love the progression and watch it season by season through from Year 1 - 7.

Tonight, we watched the final episode and it was, if I do say so myself, the perfect cap to a great weekend.

The weekend started on Friday night, having the neighbors over for dinner. A full on, but delightful experience with two very energetic young boys! The next morning started with this:
Breakfast with my mother - french toast, maple syrup, ice cream, strawberries and banana - Yum... with tea of course! The book you can see is James Herriot's fantastic book (or all his books in one I should say) another of my favorite things to go through every now and then.

I bought my niece's third birthday present, went for a 3 hour ride down at the farm, found a lost paper which I sorely needed (!!) and then had a movie night with my best mates, followed by a brilliant late night phone call with excellent and exciting news from a friend.

This morning started with an incredible church service - it was a church that I hadn't been to much before and as I turned up late, could hear the choir singing from outside - as I looked at the building, the stain glass windows and smelling the flowers on the spring breeze while hearing "Then Sings my Soul" it couldn't but be a grand day.

The sermon was on Joshua - and trust, which I thought was an interesting coincidence considering the pondering of my mind lately.... a huge walk with my dog and an amazing find for Sunday night dinners - $6 porterhouse steak with chips and gravy ($2 extra if you want veg) at my fav. pub for which I shouted my parents and I.

As I lie in bed and write this entry of my weekend I am thankful. My mind and heart are still jumping from point to point, wandering and confused about much more than I'd like to admit - but content. Content that I can still enjoy so many little things which make a great thing, and content that when I step back, away from the turmoil of my mind (which is naught but my own making sometimes) and reflect upon the Maker of heaven and earth - God is in control... and he IS worthy of my trust.

Follow up Quote

Quote given by a friend in follow up to the last post:

“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear — not absence of fear.” Mark Twain

F.E.A.R.

I heard yesterday of a colleague whose new car was slammed into while she was stationery - an awful thing for anyone, but it shot waves of horror through me as my dog usually occupies the back of my hatchback. It would be an awfully painful death for him if that ever happened, and even the thought of it makes me question travelling with him places.

Yet, sides of cars are pranged into all the time - does that stop parents from putting children in cars – no, and the thought of an unlikely situation shouldn’t stop me travelling with my dog either. You weigh up the risks (or try to avoid thinking of them) and in most cases do an action anyway.

Fear is a massive thing. It can paralyse us from doing things - it can greatly hinder our lives.

But fear isn't where it has to stop. As Ambrose Redmoon said "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."

Fear is: Fully Engaged, Actively Risking. Actively risking because we believe that something is more important than the things that held us back, but fully engaged in the moment, reasoning, activity and outcome.

Life can be awfully scary, but if fear holds us back we'll have more regrets than we could ever imagine. Example: I'm not a fan of flying - it holds many of my weaknesses in one action: Saying goodbye to those I love, being out of control, death, and at times loss. But if I let this fear hold me back I'd never have gotten to my Nan's funeral, never experienced amazing cultures and people, never had some unforgettable moments with some very precious friends. Every time I fly I have fear – but it’s the actively risking while being fully engaged which helps me through it.
There’s a lot more things more important in life than fear, and we shouldn’t let it hold us back from experiencing them.