Tuesday, May 25, 2010

when the past rears its ugly head in the mirror of today

I’m very self conscious at the moment and while I detest the reasons, detest even moreso that things are bothering me this way, when for many years now I’ve been rather free and comfortable.

I won’t mention the reasons why I’m self conscious but what I do want mention is this: In an age where so much focus is on the body, clothing and image how often I forget that unless we are careful, these things can become central to how we view ourselves.

When something changes in these respects we get a wakeup call for what has over a time of complacency worked its way into our psyche. It’s not a fun thing. Memories from past events come back to haunt us and long dead spectres of deep seeded insecurities stare at us from the mirror.

Two of these haunt me now, and I detest how both make me question my present relationships based upon memories from the past which are conjured. The vulnerabilities of the past are not the same of today, yet my insecurities rear their ugly heads as if they are. The whispers in my head are much worse than what my friends would say, yet I hear them anyway.

In light of this, I’ve started a devotional on Authentic Beauty – a devotional on 1 Peter over two months reminding us of Inner Beauty and what really counts. I don’t like the reasons I’m needing to rediscover some of this material, but I am thankful that our insecurities can lead us closer to God rather than further away.

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