They're just books... right?

Everything is permissible for me"—but not everything is beneficial.

Accept him whose faith is weak, without passing judgment on disputable matters. One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables.

I've been AWOL for a while - stressed - pressured - needing release. Enjoying being by myself while I'm not at work - recovering, doing what I want, relishing in the joy of being happy to be alone and loving the freedom that is ours. (like going to Billy Joel and letting my hair down)

Last night and this morning though I realised the truth of the two scriptures above. I have a weakness in areas of my life that should not be fed or condoned, especially while stressed and tired. Two such weaknesses were fed a great deal with a series of 4 books that I picked up and read in less than a week - finishing at 11:50pm last night... I literally could not put them down.

In retrospect though... all things were not beneficial.

All "Danger Will Robinson, Danger!" signs went out the window as I relished in the story. As I lived the story.

For one, the books were written in the first person from a female's perspective, and they were first and foremost a romance - every kiss she had, every thought that went through her mind, every experience in her life, every desire and dream, every word that was spoken was as if experienced by me - I haven't read a book or books as the case may be that affected me like this - to the extent that after I turned the final page all night I couldn't sleep tossing and turning, reliving the events as if they had happened to me - reality was skewed - the voices in my head not my own but the characters that I'd heard while reading. I gave up at 3am took half a sleeping pill and phoned my folks in NZ only to wake up again at 5:30.. sigh... The book wasn't graphic - but hey.. let's be honest - we all have an imagination and mine ran far away from reality.

For two - The stories were great - I love a good action/romance and I really relished being able to read something a little more "angsty relationship wise" for the first time in well... a LONG time. They were however a wee bit dark being about vampires and the heroine desiring to become one as her relationship with her vampire boyfriend/fiance/husband progresses - there were parts that I identified with and perhaps the story was just too involving for me - too inviting.

For three - I have a dark side - while at school I was toyed with the idea of wicca and am attracted to the supernatural stories of Feist, Eddings, Jordan, Paolini, Rowling and while not so overt (but hugely loved) Tolkien & Lewis. There's a great fascination in these stories for me and I know to keep from reading them back to back as I tend to get lost in the story.

For four - I wanted to get lost - I wanted to forget - I wanted to forget about life for a while and be entertained

For five - well... I guess you get the picture by now.

You may also be wondering why on earth I'm writing this or being so personal about it - for goodness sakes it was just a book - PG in terms of graphic descriptions compared to what can be found out there - it's for teenagers! Yes - I am older than a teenager, but I also have weaknesses, fault lines, temptations that perhaps make this alright for a teenager to read but not me. More inviting than actually going out and getting in a relationship - why not just pretend - why not get lost in something that is fantasy, because it sure is a whole lot more fun then I've been. I'm a Christian, I love Jesus, but what if... what if I was in her place?

Why not? Because sometimes things just aren't that good for you. Yeah - you're just reading a book that's just a fairytale - but things like this can have teeth (excuse the pun) that can affect you more than you anticipated.

I'm writing this because I'm not alone. We all have weaknesses and we all have strengths - and we need to be honest with ourselves and each other as to what they are.