Green Eyes

Warning: Personal blog
Sharing due to my blog's quest to be honest
Even if it makes me look bad

I wouldn't classify myself as the jealous type. I hate it when I am because I should be happy for someone rather than being envious. I would rather be content in whatever my own circumstance.

Today I've been struggling with a green eyed jealousy that simply isn't nice - worse - it's due to a situation that I should be rejoicing over. The event is sweeter because of the struggle that the people have been through.

What's more, I wonder how far I've come and if I've grown at all since I wrote the blog Blessed Be Your Name. It's been six months since I wrote that blog and today the couple I wrote of announced their engagement. Hence the struggle with envy.

Really though it's not envy of the situation, but rather envy of them - that they were able to work it out - that they were mature enough to have come this far - that they don't have to go through the whole "finding someone" ever again.

You see, today has been preceded by a week of realising again how many mistakes I made, how wrong I was so many times, thinking of what I could have done to make things work before it all fell apart and knowing that there was a lot I should have done but wasn't mature enough to.

Yes, I am jealous. But even more than that, I'm sorry.