change of plans

Sometimes we can have romantic illusions as to what servant-hood is. I’ll be able to do “___” or “_____” or such and such will think so well of me we think with rosy and perhaps tainted glasses. Then... we find ourselves in a true place of humility where what we want falls to the wayside and what we need to do comes to the fore.

In the midst of an extraordinarily busy month I was really looking forward to coming down to the Conference I am now at – to sit and listen at the feet of people whom I greatly respect and help out here and there (where I choose to of course – my boss after all said I could do as little or much as I wanted). I had thoughts of in my spare time writing up some things that are in my brain and in the hecticness of the moment haven’t been able to write them out yet. Bits and pieces from things I’ve read but haven’t worked through fully... I had plans.

On Saturday night two of my brother’s good friends and I had just poured three amazingly tantalising glasses of red wine from a bottle. There they sat, and there they stayed... untouched, untasted, unappreciated. The night ended very differently with a late night trip to the hospital which changed the outlook for this time away for me.

I’ve struggled with this change, even though I see God’s hand of providence that I came and am able to assist in the shoes of the staff member who is ill. Sometimes we need to ramp up and serve in a different way to meet the needs that are evident, even if that means making cups of tea for others when you want one desperately yourself or readjusting the framework of your planning to lend a hand... and trust that God will take care of you.

I still have so many questions I really want to ask these guys. I want guidance from them – I want to learn from them – I want to listen to them... but I also need to get my thoughts in order and be less than the emotional wreck that I feel inside to do so... but again, neither of these things are possible.