Peace

This evening, after sudden notification on Thursday night that his ticket might not be able to be changed, my boyfriend Ian flew out of Hong Kong, back home to the USA.

It's been a incredibly difficult working this decision through, and finding peace in it, and then challenging that peace, and then finding it, and then being selfish and wishing it wasn't so, and then finding that Peace again come back.

That peace is firmly with me now, as it was after I shed a few tears and hugged him through that gate. I'll miss him, I'm sad, but that peace is there. Peace doesn't take away the emotion I'm finding, but brings comfort in it. I have a choice whether to find rest in it, or focus on the emotions, and while I'm tempted immensely to wallow, my desire is to rest.

I have two scriptures running through my head, the first is Isaiah 55: 8-9

"My thoughts are completely different from yours," says the Lord. "And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts."

and Numbers 6:24-26

The LORD bless thee and keep thee; the LORD make His face shine upon thee, and be gracious unto thee; the LORD lift up His countenance upon thee, and give thee peace.

I know this post has been more personal than a lot of others, naming names and a specific circumstance, but I wanted to share it in an effort to be honest, and also to be able to look back on this as a reminder of the peace God brings in right decisions, regardless of other emotions.

The gate closed 4 minutes ago and in 16 a plane will depart from Hong Kong to London from where in 13 hours it will deposit its passengers for 5 hours prior to taking off for its final destination of Philadelphia (landing 8 hours after). On Wednesday the thought of this plane had never crossed my mind, now it is very much in my thoughts and heart.