Lessons of a dog #1: The fear of unconditional love

I own a dog, or perhaps it would be better to say that a dog is beginning to own me. By way of introduction his name is Jacob (Jake), and named this for the following reasons: as a definition Jacob is a play on the word "heel" and can also mean"he who follows, He's also a mommy's boy and has short hair as like the biblical character. He's a Hungarian Vizsla by breeding and the most gentle and beautiful animal anyone is likely to meet.

With that having been said, I'm a bit freaked out.

You see, he is so lovely. He obeys every word (unless of course he's distracted by his many admirers at the time of the request), and by some instinct knows what is right and how to be good. Never being allowed inside before he understands automatically the mat I've put by the lounge is his to stay on. He comes back from a run in the dog park with his doggy friends whenever asked, plays like a gentleman and above all is amazing with my little niece and nephew.

So why on earth am I freaked?

Because he is so loving and I have always struggled with being loved unless I am doing 110% to make it work. Because if it doesn't work out it will be my fault - he's perfect now - in a month's time if he's not it will be on my head. I couldn't return the love. I'm not responsible enough. I'm too selfish.

Mind you, he's only 10 months old.

I feel a bit messed up this evening after being strong all week - I've been undone by love and am just going to have to learn to go with the flow and ease into this change in lifestyle, instead of 110% earning and getting burnt out. He's going to love me anyway - and if I do stuff up, well, the guilt may just drive me to do better for him ;)