Lessons of a dog #1: The fear of unconditional love

I own a dog, or perhaps it would be better to say that a dog is beginning to own me. By way of introduction his name is Jacob (Jake), and named this for the following reasons: as a definition Jacob is a play on the word "heel" and can also mean"he who follows, He's also a mommy's boy and has short hair as like the biblical character. He's a Hungarian Vizsla by breeding and the most gentle and beautiful animal anyone is likely to meet.

With that having been said, I'm a bit freaked out.

You see, he is so lovely. He obeys every word (unless of course he's distracted by his many admirers at the time of the request), and by some instinct knows what is right and how to be good. Never being allowed inside before he understands automatically the mat I've put by the lounge is his to stay on. He comes back from a run in the dog park with his doggy friends whenever asked, plays like a gentleman and above all is amazing with my little niece and nephew.

So why on earth am I freaked?

Because he is so loving and I have always struggled with being loved unless I am doing 110% to make it work. Because if it doesn't work out it will be my fault - he's perfect now - in a month's time if he's not it will be on my head. I couldn't return the love. I'm not responsible enough. I'm too selfish.

Mind you, he's only 10 months old.

I feel a bit messed up this evening after being strong all week - I've been undone by love and am just going to have to learn to go with the flow and ease into this change in lifestyle, instead of 110% earning and getting burnt out. He's going to love me anyway - and if I do stuff up, well, the guilt may just drive me to do better for him ;)

... for I am your servant

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
-- Psalm 143:8

I have a daily verse sent to my email and in reading this verse tonight I read the whole of Psalm 143. Reading it this evening brought me great encouragement as it too was/is my cry.

In one of the versions (New American Standard see below) the Psalmist speaks in past tense and it's like he's moving into a new phase - this is what I identify with. He talks of what he has been through, how he has felt, his spirit being overwhelmed. This has been me. And yet, now, and I pray I don't speak ahead of time, I feel like I'm coming out of this dark period. My cry is for God's guidance in the way I should go... but before that and beyond that, my trust is in Him regardless.

I've had an encouragement within me all day, a sense of anticipation that while I've felt it for hourly periods has never lasted a whole day... like something really good is happening, even though I don't know what.

May what I have write be true... I feel I'm coming out of the trenches.

Psalm 143 (New American Standard Bible)

Prayer for Deliverance and Guidance.

¹Hear my prayer, O LORD,
Give ear to my supplications!
Answer me in Your faithfulness, in Your righteousness!
²And do not enter into judgment with Your servant,
For in Your sight no man living is righteous.
³For the enemy has persecuted my soul;
He has crushed my life to the ground;
He has made me dwell in dark places, like those who have long been dead.
⁴Therefore my spirit is overwhelmed within me;
My heart is appalled within me.
⁵I remember the days of old;
I meditate on all Your doings;
I muse on the work of Your hands.
⁶I stretch out my hands to You;
My soul longs for You, as a parched land. Selah.
⁷Answer me quickly, O LORD, my spirit fails;
Do not hide Your face from me,
Or I will become like those who go down to the pit.
⁸Let me hear Your lovingkindness in the morning;
For I trust in You;
Teach me the way in which I should walk;
For to You I lift up my soul.
⁹Deliver me, O LORD, from my enemies;
I take refuge in You.
¹⁰Teach me to do Your will,
For You are my God;
Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
¹¹For the sake of Your name, O LORD, revive me
In Your righteousness bring my soul out of trouble.
¹²And in Your lovingkindness, cut off my enemies
And destroy all those who afflict my soul,
For I am Your servant.

Chaos Encompassed

When we're blindsided by something we're unprepared for, the chaos that ensues is encompassed

When we're all a flutter and not sure what's up and what's down, the chaos within is encompassed

When answers are begging and questions abound, the chaos resulting is encompassed

When we're unsure

When we're hurting

When we're excited

When we're anxious

When we're apprehensive

When we've got butterflys

When we're overwhelmed

When we're tired

When we don't know what someone else is thinking or feeling

When we're human... the mess, the chaos, WE......... are encompassed.

This necklace was a birthday gift from my parents and it reminds me of all the above. We are encompassed fully by God. He understands, He is our Rock and our help, He has the answers, he knows the future... and what does that mean to me? It means I can be myself. I can relax knowing at the end of the day, He's got it all covered.

There's so much more that I feel like writing, and that will come in the next day or two, but for now, wherever you are, be at peace knowing that God has it all encompassed.