Melancholy Thinking

Melancholy thoughts are apt to hit one when you're sick. I don't mean in terms of dying, but rather, in terms of living. I walked into my father's study today and looked at photos that he has displayed in pride of place from when we were living in the Philippines and people that he served with. 20 + years ago my parents gave up a considerable portion of their lives to serve and serve with others whom they continue to keep in contact with and honor.

I wonder what of purpose I am now doing. My parents have pictures of these people and photos of family members decorating the house - I have paintings and charcoal drawings and little pottery salt and pepper shakers that hug.

It's no secret that I want a family of my own. Regardless of the facts that surround this though, if that blessing is never given to me, how am I living, and what am I living for? Even whilst working voluntarily I questioned this - I'm more satisfied in my current job than I was in HK - so that's not the answer.

I just don't know what is. The melancholy thinking will pass as I get better (the drugs and rest and water are already working), but I hope the drive does not. I want to be compelled to make the most of my life.

P.s. I have the best friend - she's bringing her cat or her dog over to stay with me :) Emma (who I've written of previously) is a very beautiful Labrador and Tiger is a ginger (surprise surprise) cat who I named and have formed some attachment with... Tiger though is used to roaming the farm and perhaps will not come up to town due to the foreseeable problem of escaping into the big wide world of city life and being corrupted never to return to the comforts of home.