Heading Back

I'm booking flights and accommodation this week for Hong Kong in September, where I'll be attending a good friend's wedding. I've decided against the Island Shangri-la in terms of a hotel (however nice it would be) in favour of something a little cheaper in order to have some more spending money.

In planing my trip I'm coming up against a lot of emotions in heading back to a place that is so special for many reasons, but also filled with a great deal of pain. I'm aware that I'll be seeing some people, one in particular, who have caused me a great deal of pain. This female has hurt me like no one ever has, but in the process I've been made stronger and this is what I think I need to focus on - not the pain - but the process which has been redeemed by God.

Aside from the narkiness - so many special things happened there that aren't any more. How do I visit these places and not long for what once was? I'm not sure... Either way, I think I'm going to be spending the entire time on my knees or drinking too heavily - probably a bit of both :) I've decided that I'm going to have the time of my life - go with the attitude not to worry about things for the 5 days while I'm there, and with God's grace confront things as and when they crop up. I guess this trip might be the focus of a few more blogs!

I am really looking forward to seeing people though, and so excited to be able to be at the wedding of my dear friend. I'm looking forward to my honey beer, and my Peak restaurant meal, and a Lychee martini and a hundred and one different things... book me in - my diary's filling up!!

Oh - and for those of you who are getting into the warmer months of the year, spare a thought for us over here - I needed to wear my snow jacket out to the markets this morning (farm fresh fruit and veg - yum!) and my hands are only just now thawing out..

Oops

Corporations put their heads together while creating the idea of Thursday night shopping for people just like me... You go out with the purpose to buy ONE thing, decide to have a bit more of a look around and BOOM three hats and some facinators and hey - why not a few pink earings later I'm writing this blog - oh, and add in a red leather Jag wallet (which by the way is fabulous!)

My one thing was a curry comb for my pony who's being rugged, as all three horse stores were closed, I dropped in the main shopping centre and well, the above somehow happened when I found the wallet in Myer at 50% off and I walked past a closing down sale with 70% off. What sparked the buying of hats and facinators was that a friend asked me yesterday to join the Red Hat club, and as I'm under 50 I wear pink or mouve, hence the "excuse" to buy.

In reflection though I'm SO annoyed at myself. I mean yes, I don't regret the wallet, or two of the hats - but the rest? So could have done without them, and while the money doesn't add up to too much, with fuel the way it is (over $1.50 a liter) and using more of it getting to the farm and back to exercise Kokoda before the Ekka, and planning to buy an Iphone to replace the phone I dropped in a beer esky 4 months ago I do admit there was some stupid spending going on tonight!

Oh well - you live and you learn ... I hope!

A Perfect Night

My Brothers and I used to play cards when I was younger - 21, Blind BlackJack, Poker, those sort of cards, betting with little tiny chips that Andrew picked up somewhere. I can't really say we were that into Snap or Old Maid, although we did go through a UNO phase, and now that I think of it we had these HUGE Popeye cards that were fun to play with (I wonder where they are now???) As a family too we've always been pretty good at 500, and I do have to admit that mom's rather addicted to her computer Spider Solitaire games... ok, you get the point, we all still play cards and most of us wouldn't say no to a round of Texas Holdem....

*here goes all my staunch conservative readers who now think I'm going to hell... probably did before this anyway!*

Anyhoo - It's funny to remember these things, times like when Andrew completely conned me while playing Blind BlackJack for a while... he'd pick the same seat every time (not that unusual for Andrew) but after a while started to laugh when I was getting frustrated about him always winning, this was until he told me to look behind me and there, lo and behold, right in his line of sight was a mirror... (I'm sure Steve knew what was going on and led me along too - he's a bit quicker on the uptake then I am).

All of this has come flooding back after leaving work late tonight and deciding, after an incredibly full on day to hang all and go to the movies - you guessed it - I saw "21", a movie about counting cards in Vegas, and I loved it! Yes, not the movie to go and see if you agree with Greg Koukle that the definition of a bad movie "is one which makes sin look fun", there were definitely a few parts which did that (I'll never think of high rise apartment windows in the same way), but even if you are in a prudish (or perhaps wholesome is the right word) mood, there are some redeeming qualities where people had been jerks and they said sorry and the world was righted once again, greed is bad and so is jealousy etc. etc...

Moral judgments aside, I've come home on a buzz, ready for another mammoth day tomorrow, exhausted but stoked - a great day at work and a perfect night of putting my hair up, going to the movies, and remembering family fun :)

For an hour alone...

I've stayed home from Church this morning for a blessed hour alone at home... since Dad's operation (from which he's recovering really well), home, while still very sweet, has become slightly claustrophobic with constant presence in the house.

To be still and know that it's just me, God and the birds singing sweetly outside is a boon to my soul. I've cleaned and vacuumed, made a passionfruit smoothie, and now, after only an hour, I feel incredibly rested and relaxed.

This past week at work was quite stressful, with my boss away and various issues with staff I was hugely thankful that I came home on Friday night with energy. In fact, I even left the house before 7am to go down to the farm to muck out stables... I must be feeling good *grin*.

I'm even more thankful for being ok at the end of this week as today marks 2 weeks off my prescription. (When I ran out of pills before my trip to Canberra and was unable to get more, realised that I was coping really well without them and have decided to stop for the time being.) I've been taking what a dear friend calls "my happy pills" since getting back from Hong Kong and seeing my Doctor who said I should have gone on them long ago... they're not strong, but certainly took the edge off a low or anxious mood. I'm definitely not ashamed of taking them and would recommend certain people really think about prescribed help to get back on track, and would go on them again in the future should need be. I've been so thankful for their help, and my doctor's, as the new patterns of thinking and positive reinforcement has been lifechanging.

I've also bought a crock-pot or slow cooker.. very stoked and enjoying the world of coming home to a meal that's been cooking away while I've been at work.

Finally, I'm shocked to say it, but while I was watching the Wallabies win over Ireland last night I had a vague thought that I miss watching NFL! This when I'm watching the first rugby international under Robby Deans coaching... oh well, it's grand loving sport! (especially might I add while eating a thai green curry that I cooked washed down with a Kilkenny beer!)

AGHHHHH!

you are now listening to a long and drawn out primeval scream.....













still going












Yup - still there, good thing I can type and scream...














and now drawing a breath.








(for those that are worried, other than a very frustrating afternoon I'm doing great)

There and Back Again - Part Two

I'm sitting at home, in the comfort of my own lovely, lovely home while writing the second part to this blog. I wondered at some time during yesterday if I should rename it the Never Ending Story, but as I'm home and the adventure is over, I'm thankful to just add a Part Two.

Tuesday Night cont.
The flight down to Canberra was good, actually, it was great. I ordered a Kosher meal and was hugely impressed by the outstanding quality of this airplane food! Steamed chicken infused with spinach, kosher rolls, a light rye bread slice with smoked salmon and a delicious dessert - wow - I have a big thank you to write to Customer Service. (Note Well: order Kosher meals when flying... much better then the normal fare.)

I was reading a book called "Light Force" by Brother Andrew and the lady next to me struck up a conversation based upon it. She introduced herself as a spiritual person, and asked about the book which has a picture on the front of a Jewish and a Muslim boy walking together.

She said that she held Jesus in great respect, but held him on the same level as Buddha - a great teacher. I said great, I didn't consider myself a religious person and don't like the divisiveness that religion can bring either, but that I do firmly believe in the deity of Jesus Christ. Further more, I disagreed that it was a possibility for Jesus to be just a great teacher - in fact (and I surprised myself by quoting CS Lewis) that either Jesus was a liar - he proclaimed himself as God, so if he wasn't then he was simply a liar, or he was a madman - if he believed his proclamation that he was God but wasn't then he was a deluded madman, or he was God - he was what he said he was. I was really surprised by her reaction which was very receptive and we went on to have a really good conversation.

Andrew met me at the airport with a hug (I have a great brother) and my niece vacated her bed for my sleeping pleasure and instead kept my brother up all night instead as she slept on the floor of her parent's room!

Wednesday
It was great to wake up amidst the sounds of my Canberra family, and got to see my sister-in-law who was having a stay in hospital (Praise God she's home again). I was very blessed that my work offered for me to travel down the night before so I could spend the morning (which would have otherwise been spent in travel) with my family. As a bit of a bonus, my niece and nephew liked their gifts from Aunty Liz :)

I got to the meeting location (ANU - which has to be the most scenic university campus in the world - especially in Autumn (photos on flickr soon)) and had quite a successful meeting which I wont' go into.

The fun (and seemingly never ending story) began at 4pm when we left the meeting to go to the airport... Our flight was delayed, and then canceled due to industrial action - the story seems to be that an engineer needed to sign off on maintenance work and wouldn't so they couldn't fly the plane. We got diverted to Sydney, and then on to Brisbane in another delayed flight... so, I ended up getting home at 2am! For those that know me you'll appreciate that this was amazingly late for me, and in fact, had to stop on the road at the half way point to have a nap before driving the rest of the way!!! (This drive made me really appreciate the efforts of a friend last year who waited for me to arrive on another much more delayed flight and then drove all the way home getting in at 7am)

What's more, the return flight was all with my direct boss, which, while having a few awkward moments (can you sleep on a flight with your boss besides you???) seemed to be an ok experience for the both of us.

After cooking dinner tonight though, and being completely nackered beforehand, I've now gotten my second wind :( something tells me though that I'll hit the pillow and be asleep very shortly.

There and back again - part one

Airport security is, in my opinion, one of the most degrading functions of our society which we submit ourselves to. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m in favour of security, I’m very much in favour of airport security, but I do, as a law abiding member of society find it a rather degrading process.

Take this evening for example. I was going through security in Brisbane Airport and was required to take off my boots for separate screening – thank goodness I had long happy socks on… (quite a fashion statement with my suit let me tell you!). When I glanced around, gentlemen were reapplying belts, and other people were repairing similar states of undress.

This is nothing compared to American security though, where everyone is required to remove shoes, put them on the conveyor belt and walk, stocking footed through the metal detectors. I’ve had people shout at me for smiling, and force me to throw out my hairspray :( (yes I’m still working on forgiveness for that one!).

So as I sit in the lounge waiting for my delayed flight, I’m reflecting upon the fact that no matter which class we’re flying, first, business or coach, we’ve all been through the experience together.

We’re also all the same “status” regardless of the price we’ve paid… a bit like how we are in Christ really – it doesn’t matter what we “do” for Christ, or how much we think we’ve “paid” in spiritual terms reading the bible every day, going to theological college, or, like the sinner on the cross, accepting his Mercy at the last moment, we all sit in the lounge together.

The Gift?

We have a prophet coming to Church today, or at least a gentleman that is gifted with Words of Knowledge and Prophecy. While thinking on the service this morning and last night, the verse in 1 Thessalonians 5 came to mind where Paul says don't despise the gift of prophecy. I had to repent because in some ways, I have been.

To back track a little bit, I used to be a prophetic word junkie - you know the type - someone with a gift would come to church and I was so lost and wanting to hear God's will that I'd go forward every time out of desperation and desire and confusion.

A lot has changed since then - words given to me haven't been fulfilled, I've matured spiritually (I hope!) and I'm much more confident with not only who I am in Christ, but also who I am in general. For the most part too, I'm content with where I am in this season of my life.

I know - it's pretty pointless to think about this because the chances of me being picked out of the congregation are pretty slim, it's how the Spirit leads and God knows how I feel about all of the areas I am confused about... the thing is, and I guess the real point of this blog: I don't feel that I need a Word from God at the moment [By hearing a Word from God, I mean from a Prophet - I do and want to continue to hear through the Bible and nature, and the Holy Spirit.] How proud is that statement? We all need to hear from God, we all need to be open to his Word and Leading and Guidance wherever we are in life.

It all comes down to a knowledge of God's love for me I guess - If God is good, and He IS good, and He loves me, which He does, and He IS love, which he is, then whatever he gives me today, or whatever he doesn't give me, is a good and perfect gift. So may I rejoice today as other's lives are blessed, and if my life is spoken over, may I bring that word before the throne in submission, and love, and belief in my loving Father.

Funky Firefox Addon

I do like Firefox, and today's computer usage just gave me one more reason to recommend it:


It's an add-on called "Fast Dial" for your home page that automatically loads multiple sites in the one window! I've got the option for 6 sites displayed above, but you can do as little as one (which really there's no point to) or as many as 9.

Big Fan.

Yes - I know I said I wouldn't be blogging this week but I was so stoked about this application I couldn't resist.

Oh, and while I'm on the techie side of life - I'm continuing to learn Joomla! the CMS that our website is built on, and was very stoked to find today that I can learn all about it through online tutorials instead of courses. In fact, the tutes cover more than the courses I was planning to go to do, and I can more easily fit them around my work schedule. So, anyone want a website built?? (hypothetical question!)

Quick Update

Just a HUGE thanks to all who have been praying for Dad's surgery, our family and our travels etc. Dad's surgery was a big success. The trip there and back was really great too and it was good to enjoy city driving once more.

Back in town but will be staying at the Farm until Mom and Dad are back - if I'm slack on emails/blogs for a week this is why, but if you know me personally and want to catch up phone on my mobile or at work.

Thanks again!

My Father’s House

In church this morning I overheard a conversation in which a lady said she wanted to look nice and dress up a little bit when she came into her Father’s house.

What a concept = entering into our Father’s house to meet with him and publicly state that he is Lord. It’s a view of going to Church that I really like.

With that in mind and the acknowledgment that our God reigns, I pictured myself in my Father’s house whilst in church this morning, sitting and talking to him with the comfort that I have with my own Dad – sharing issues of the heart and mind. Being comforted and strengthened by the thought of my Father, the God of all heaven and earth.

Dad’s surgery is tomorrow morning – I’d appreciate prayers for that, for Mom, and for our whole family. Personally, aside from the unknowns relating to the surgery and the recovery period, I’m a bit anxious about the travel back and forward by myself, especially the early morning trip back to work on Tuesday with a 6am start… how quickly I’ve become a country driver again – the big city scares me :)

Oh – and for my sister-in-law’s knowledge, I’ve downloaded the sermon and shall listen to it this evening!

God IS Good

I know... I seem to go from bad to good to bad to worse to great in my blogging, even though in retrospect I feel like I'm reasonably even without these MASSIVE waves that I seem to reflect.. perhaps little waves but not the skyscrapers and deep caverns that come across :) then again, I'm just me and me is pretty happy with me (even in the low points I know how good my life is).

The purpose of this blog though is not to elaborate on my mood swings (hmmm... perhaps I should note the times of month they are... (sorry to the guys but it's a valid point!)), but instead to exclaim to the heavens and everyone else that God IS Good.

The reason for this particular exclamation is this:
Mom rang me at work today to say that she couldn't find a hotel to stay in next week that was in budget for while Dad's in hospital. Looking at the prices myself, with each night being over $140 I shared her concern and made some calls. People were willing to discount a little, but on the whole, prices were fixed even with the multiple nights she is in Brisbane.

So I made one final Google search and came across another hotel - still expensive but reasonable and in walking distance to the hospital. I made the call and thank the Lord, the prices were even less then quoted - under a hundred dollars for 2 people (her and me for the nights I travel down) and they are so caring... people I know my mom will receive help from if she needs it - not just people out to make a buck.

Praise God for all his mercies, big and small, he really cares about all our problems, big and small.

Identifying the Ailment

With an empty house this past week I haven't been feeling as chipper as I would have liked - sort of on edge and narky [as a sideline - is narky just an australian word??]. While work's been great, towards the end of the week I have to admit I was a bit of a wreck.

I went out on Thursday night for dinner by myself and enjoyed a martini as a starter - with a heinously long day on Friday at work (Principal's meeting at our school) I came home to meet my parents just back from a prayer summit with friends that knew me when I was a wee one in the Philippines. While it was great to see them, I just needed to get out so off to the farm where Lynda and Janelle had organised an impromptu girls night...

Lynda, knowing how I've been coping, asked me tonight before I left (a few trips down to the farm and back this weekend as I needed to hostess a morning tea with pastors from the Philippines, Japan and New Zealand) asked me how I was, in particular regarding a specific circumstance... I thought for a while and after waffling a bit realised the heart of the issue - I've been really lonely. Not any new reason, and nothing against my best mate at all, just with the house empty and Dad's impending surgery, I've just been feeling a bit more vulnerable than usual.

That having been said - I've noted that identifying the emotion has gone long way in relieving the angst of it...

Personal Assistants and Afternoon Tea

I went to The Angel Cafe this afternoon to meet a lady for coffee/tea. What was different is that I'd never met her prior to this - but it was a networking time as she is the Personal Assistant to one of the other principals in town. It's something I'm starting to do, meet up and have coffee with PA's from other schools and this way build relationships that will help us all.

It was a different dynamic to what I expected.

I've discovered thus far in my working life that as a PA you become loyal to the person you're assisting and to the organisation you represent, perhaps more so then another job, because you see how things really are. If you don't have respect for the organisation, the management of the organisation or your boss, you can't continue to work there, and indeed should not. A good PA is proud of the person, the organisation and happy to promote it... someone who is not, in my opinion and experience should move on.

What was interesting though was how this lady let her guard down to me, a PA of a rival school, and shared all the things that was hard, about her job and more specifically her boss, the Principal of the school. A very different dynamic, but one that from other stories I've heard is common when secretaries get together.

I was so very thankful (and astounded!) that I had nothing but positive praise for my boss and even when the tone of the conversation was negative I wasn't tempted to speak in kind. It's not that my boss is perfect, he's not (and neither am I), but I have a great deal of respect for him and the way he manages some very difficult situations - he also puts up with my many quirks and gives me the freedom to speak my mind.

I'm challenged to keep the tone higher in other networking meetings - not to encourage the bitch - but encourage the person to keep on doing what they do best... supporting some people that have some very tricky jobs!

Debt Free

Thank God Almighty - I'm debt free!

This morning I paid of my final debt since coming home and whilst I don't feel as excited as I was at the thought of being able to do so, I am very glad to be able to have done this.

Sarah's Faith - an encouragement to us doubters

Adam preached a very impacting word yesterday for mother's day. One that had me going forward for prayer which is an unusual event.

He shared how Sarah scoffed at God's word that she would bear a child. Her laughter which is mentioned was an insult - a disbelief with scorn - was well justified by facts, but over time she came to have faith in this word proven by her bearing Isaac and also her being mentioned in Hebrews 11 as a woman of great faith.

He spoke of the pain that Sarah must have felt, the trepidation that this was a cruel joke, and this promise that was given to her that she came to believe. Faith founded in the knowledge that God is not cruel, and a loving God would not hurt us by a rotten deception:

9 The men said to him, "Where is Sarah your wife?"

He said, "In the tent."

10 One of them said, "I'm coming back about this time next year. When I arrive, your wife Sarah will have a son." Sarah was listening at the tent opening, just behind the man.

11-12 Abraham and Sarah were old by this time, very old. Sarah was far past the age for having babies. Sarah laughed within herself, "An old woman like me? Get pregnant? With this old man of a husband?"

13-14 God said to Abraham, "Why did Sarah laugh saying, 'Me? Have a baby? An old woman like me?' Is anything too hard for God? I'll be back about this time next year and Sarah will have a baby."

15 Sarah lied. She said, "I didn't laugh," because she was afraid.

But he said, "Yes you did; you laughed."

I was very challenged by a few situations in my life where I, like Sarah, don't believe that God will bring about the good which he has promised. I sing the song Amazing Grace but doubt the words "The Lord has promised good to me; his word my hope secures; He will my shield and portion be as long as life endures."

I want to believe them, but I, like Sarah, don't see how it is possible. I was so encouraged though that God understands my doubt, born out of fear, pain and past hurts, and will walk the journey with me to complete the good work that he has already begun.

Hallelujah - the Lord has promised good - and this I shall believe... and when I doubt, thank God he understands and comforts me through it!

By the way - have I mentioned lately that I love my job? In case I haven't ... I do :)

Parts

Part One

I attended an Open Doors meeting last night and was struck by two thoughts as the event began. Firstly, I am a privileged person. The heritage of my parents gives me access to some amazing people with whom they have great relationships. I was humbled by a discussion with Australia’s Open Doors Director and his wife that they have had my photo on their fridge and that I am in their prayers. I look back on lunches that I’ve had with people, and phone conversations as I pass the call on to Mom or Dad, that I have been blessed by my parents Godly friends and continue to be. I hope that I can pass this same heritage on to my children.

Secondly, as I looked around my Church hall that was the location for the event, with some people who had travelled for a few hours to be there, I couldn’t help but notice that it was mostly occupied by the grey haired generation. While there were more younger people than I expected (which is GREAT) I was impacted by how lucky we are to have these people with us – but who will take up the baton of prayer after they go? Will we? Do we realise what gold they are, and do we honour them as we should?

The meeting was exceptional, and well worth getting out for on a dark and cold evening. I was challenged by the thought of forgiveness and really feel that God is on my case about this. Some know that I returned from HK quite hurt, but regardless of that I need to forgive and I ask God to help me do so.

It was good to feel again that desire to serve God, no matter what the cost and hunger to know him more. To say again to my God, “here I am use me”. I want to connect with people on the front line and continue to be inspired by them.

Part Two

For anyone that’s read this far, well done. You get to hear Part Two…. Which is a recognition that I am where I am supposed to be. Last year I expected to be getting ready to move to the USA about this time of year and now, with family health issues, I’m so glad I’m here to support my Mom and Dad. It is a challenge though and I would appreciate your prayers.

Aside from a surgery occurring later this month within the family that will have significant recuperation time (and with that its own challenges), my mom mentioned to me this morning how she is aware of her own mortality and the desire to do all that she can in the time that’s remaining. With two siblings dying at 63 years of age, Mom, now 61, is keen to live her life to the full. I certainly don’t want to contemplate life without either of my parents, but I commend both of them in all that they are each doing with the time that is given.

Competition Results

I'll leave it to a friend to describe (she explains much better than I) as she writes a letter to her Dad overseas:

Well Dad, our 3 girls did us proud! Really well behaved and looked good. We did have competition in the filly under 1 class :-( as there was a classy little filly finer than ours but at least 3/4 QH rest unknown ie NO known Australian breeding! Not as well behaved as ours though - lots of white eye and played up in the ring.

Unfortunately she got first.

The judge had problems separating ours but Tobruk (who is out of the insane black Thornthwaite mare) as expected got 2nd then to our surprise Miss Kokoda (out of Miss Muffet half sister to Anzac and full sister to Larrikin) got 3rd. Mind you she was "insulted" by 3rd (that's my story and I'm sticking to it) and would not let the steward put the white ribbon on her - reared up high and pulled the lead out of Liz's hands and took off...twice ...didn't go far and easily caught both times though (by strangers!).

The judge was very impressed with the quality of our horses. Tobruk was given reserve champion foal (the filly who beat her got first) as there was no colts to compete for it. We then put Kokoda and Tobruk in progeny pair and they beat an older pair (one white one dark brown who didn't behave) and got first!

Other comments from the judge if I remember right were "I've got horses this age and I don't know if I'll bother showing them with this competition" and "are you going in the futurities with these - you should" He was impressed with the quality and behaviour of our horses (even though Kokoda reared) - by the way she accepted the blue ribbon when Liz put it on carefully - steward didn't try! so see it was cos she was offended at the colour.

Thank God for safety (literally) she's only little but her hooves at head hight are very scary! She's a good little girl though and it was a huge surprise to get two ribbons.

Tea or Sex?

I'm up this morning before the sun has risen, getting ready to drive off to our first competition. I've decided in these early, dark, freezing hours that if I had the choice for the rest of my life of never having tea again or never having sex, I would indeed choose tea - a thousand times over!

Yes... perhaps a bit of an off colour blog but it's EARLY!

Show Time

This long weekend I've been keeping myself busy, both out of necessity and desire... necessity because on Saturday we've got our first show - the weanling fillies are being shown at the Marburg show - we're in with a good shot to at least get a place... desire because when I stop, I have too many unanswered questions.

Think on These Things

It's so true that God, through the Bible, instructs us to do things not because he wants us to follow all these rules, but because they're actually good for us. One of these instructions that was highlighted to me today was the passage in Philippians 4:8, encouraging us to think on good things.

Two friends and I were discussing depression this afternoon and why it is that when we have so much going for us, such great families, such good jobs, such prospects and such a wonderful lifestyle we still get down, me more than either of them, but all of us facing the same affliction of getting overcome and "down".

One of my friends said it could be because we're so quick to focus on what's going bad, when really, we have so much great stuff - we have our health - yes, sometimes it is dodgy, but we can still walk on both legs - we have our family - we have our friends - we have our hobbies and jobs and all manner of things to be thankful for, and yet, we so often ponder on the bad instead of the good.

I'm so guilty of doing this. Someone asks me how I'm going, and immediately all the wrongs in my life jump to mind instead of all the rights. Moreso, within my own mind, I face a constant battle to keep on top of the anxieties that edge their way into my mind.

How good our God is to us, and how right he is in encouraging us to think on the good things and let our cares rest in the arms and heart of our Saviour.

(I was reminded of God's place in all this discussion when I glanced up as I was getting in my car this evening - a myriad of stars shone in the sky, and I remembered who it is that knows my name and all that troubles my heart)

Blogging from my car...

Yes - you read that correctly, I'm blogging from my car... I'm blogging from my car while I wait for RACQ to turn up because my car won't start. I'm blogging from my car as I get later and later for an afternoon tea appointment with the Harrison's... I'm blogging from my car as it pelts down rain outside... I'm blogging from my car as one by one my work colleagues leave to go home... I'm blogging from my car - ok I'll stop here!

A great night out

I've just returned home from an evening at Ev's place and I must admit that I haven't had such a good, relaxed conversation for quite some time. Evan and I graduated together at Toowoomba Christian College, and have stayed in contact through the years. It was a really cool night where we discussed everything from wine to school mates to love to religion to God to who would have ever thought 10 years ago that we'd be sitting here doing what we now are discussing it all over a bottle of merlot

It has been decided though, that as two of the remaining 4 unmarried graduates from our class we shall enjoy a bottle of wine at each subsequent wedding... and when we're the last two left, perhaps two bottles...

It's really good to have people in our lives that we can pick up after years of not speaking or staying in good contact, and really being just "acquaintances", to have a night like tonight. Yes, the wine was good - and as a good friend has taught me I'm drinking lots of water so I'll be fine for work in the morning, but more than that - it was good just to shoot the breeze and have a night out.

A small achievement

Aside from learning a great deal of new things at work (update: now including the Adobe Creative Suite 3 package including Dreamweaver, Fireworks and Photoshop…) I also feel lost in quite a few other areas.

While I won’t go into them here, I was encouraged when I came home this evening to do something proactive (no dinner to cook tonight as Mom and Dad are at a meeting – yeah!! I feel like a housewife coming home from work each night and starting to cook dinner straight away). I've cleaned my jewelry stands and vanity area which had worked itself into an abysmal mess… Don’t you think it looks pretty???

In other news, I just got an email from a friend I knew back in 2002 and after a heap of emails back and forwards discussing philosophy we got busy with reality and dropped out of contact – he’s been in Brisbane for the past 3 years working as a software engineer! How small the world is…

Out of Bounds

I'm fairly confident on computers... in fact... in most office environments I've been in, I'm the "go to person" for "HELP! How do I do this" type questions.

At the moment though, I feel like a school kid who's wondered into the "out of bounds" are of the play ground and suddenly realised there was a reason for it being restricted. For instance, my reading at the moment consists of the Joomla! User Manual, OneNote training docs, and the Inspiration User Manual... I'm learning a Content Management System and how to manage a website all in the name of being a P.A... that in addition to research and further learning of more programs... By the way - can anyone recommend to me a program that enables you to have multiple desktops on one monitor? (apparently the new mode of education is 8 display screens all running simultaneously).

It's just a big learning curve..

This week will be a busy one, aside from my job (which I really do enjoy!) I have dinner invitation on Wednesday (Evan's cooking!) heaps of cooking and housework, and a great weekend with the possibility of a surprise visit by Phil Phil :) Seems like weekend visits are the thing of the future - Nev and Viv are also here on Thursday (YEAH!!) - which reminds me, Thursday night is the launch of Emily's Voice in Toowoomba - if you're in town it would be great to see you there

Surprise!

Kimba's brought Liam and Maigen up today for a surprise visit from Canberra, and we went out tonight to Amigo's for Liam's Birthday.

John, Carly and Elena came, thus the photo displayed of Elena! Twas a great night and will be a wonderful surprise weekend... although, after a huge week for various reasons and very busy work days I'm praying for the energy to keep up.

Getting it Right

I was in a lingerie store this evening and overheard a conversation between a very ticked off girlfriend and a not so interested boyfriend... she was complaining that he didn't help her, and he was asking what she wanted his opinion for...

It made me think how often we miss the point. We do something for someone (or so we think) like this girl buying sexy underwear for her partner's pleasure, and yet the someone that we're trying to please just isn't that interested in what we're doing. (There may be a guy's perspective on this - it's just my feminine take on the situation.)

There's so many possible applications to this issue, but tonight, I'm too tired to put energy into the typing of them - but it is worth thinking on. Do we do what we do because that's how we feel loved, do we do what we do because that's what we think another wants, do we do what we do because that's what someone really appreciates, or, do we just do whatever the hell we want to do?

Copying Beethoven

I write this while lying in my bed, listening to the majestic orchestration of the Classic Composers. Beethoven, Brahms, Handle, Strauss, and Vivaldi echoing through the house as I close my eyes and listen to the wonder that their music evokes.

Beethoven believed that music was/is the language of God and it is nights like tonight which I agree with him (and Brahms who also believed that). To be carried away on the streams and currents contained in these pieces is one of the joys in life for me. I tend not to listen to CD's though because the quality is so substandard to hearing it live that I just don't enjoy it as much...

Tonight though is different. Mom and I watched Copying Beethoven, a movie staring Ed Harris, based very loosely on Beethoven's last years and ninth symphony... very little historically accurate from what I can gather, but simply outstanding musically. So tonight, I throw away my snobbish dislike for CD quality orchestral work and go to sleep listening to the language of God speaking to my soul.

(This blog was also of interest - Finding God through Billy Joel & Bud Light)

Absolute or Circumstantial?

I went to communion this evening at St Luke's for a refreshing change (and to be honest because I listened to an on-line sermon, watched 3 disks of Season 6 Gilmour Girls and hung out with mom instead of going to church this morning). Aside from the liturgy and readings, the sermon was not one I'd usually hear... in fact, I don't think I've ever heard a pastor say what the priest said tonight...

He said that there was no such thing as absolute sin. No black and white. Instead, sin is circumstantial. Yes, slightly more liberal teaching then my usual digs, in fact, slightly more liberal then my usual Communion Priest! Usually I get very solid teaching, tonight, I leave wondering what is going on???

He based the homily on the passage "Christ came that you might have life and live it abundantly" in comparison that "the devil comes to kill steal and destroy", so if you're living in life and having abundant fun it's all good - but if you're living in death (i.e. not fun) then you're living in sin. Part of it I agree with - yes, Christ does bring life, we are supposed to walk in harmony with people, and it is when relationships are living in lies, when there's not honesty in relationships (another of his points) that we're living in sin. But to go so far as to say there's no absolutes I completely disagree with.

Yes, circumstance does have a part to play in our society and justice system. Someone killing a rapist in self defense is one of them - the jury looks at the evidence and states the murder wasn't murder, although a life was taken. However, what about the rape? Is it ever right to rape someone? What circumstance would make that right?

Yes, Sin is Sin, my sin of lying in God's eyes is just as bad as adultery - we all have fallen short, and that's what Grace is about - he HAS forgiven us and we rejoice and live freely in that... but to say that there are no absolutes??

Yes, a bit of a rant tonight. Good news though - Jonno and Carly are back from the UK and brought back wonderful gifties - tins of tea and greek almond biscuits :)

*** oh - I must also add, the priest sounded like Mr Smith from the Matrix - how ironic is that!

What a Weekend!

And it's only just begun :)

On Thursday Barb and I shanghaied mom into coming down with us to BrisVegas to see Craig and Debbie on Friday. We decided to go down the night before so we didn't have to wake at a shockingly early hour to meet them at the airport.

I never thought I'd be asking the question "Barb, what side of the bed do you want?" but yes, it happened! The hotel mixed up our order and instead of giving us a King which could be split we got a Queen which couldn't be. Oh well, pillows down the middle make life possible :)

Seeing Debbie and Craig was great (photos will be up soon) and for those who haven't heard there's some great news about an engagement! Deb (my long time Beer Buddie) introduced me to another beer - Kilkenny.

After driving in the city and back I crashed last night, to have a long lie in this morning with the Gilmour Girls and I'm about to head off to the farm for a ride and some handling of the weanlings...

Photos will be up soon. By the way - if anyone in Toowoomba reads this, please remind me to keep trusting in God, that and praying, I'm busily being busy but blatantly belated in many tasks...

Oh - and where is my head? I was supposed to have a photo shoot this afternoon which I completely forgot about - I won it by entering in a competition at the Bindi Spot (a local Indian restaurant) and am annoyed I missed it - I feel like I never take nice photos and this was going to be a nice one! How vain I am...

oh and oh again, I'm so proud of myself, I didn't buy this amazing Bora dress in Brisbane, soft autumn pink silk, completely backless with a soft train - the perfect red carpet dress... I loved it and it loved me, but alas - no occasion and my budget said no. How good am I???

A new season?

I love Autumn.

I wake with a fresh sense of excitement about the day (well… I do if I’m not having a down day!), I sit on the porch and have breakfast with mom, then travel to work listening to my country music (I know a few people are cringing now!) and sit at my desk with the flowers outside and wish now and then that I could play hookie to go for a horse ride in the perfect weather.

Yesterday I got an email that was an answer to prayer. I have no idea if anything will happen, but just knowing what I now do has given me a sense of peace after a weekend of making myself crazily busy so I wouldn’t stay at home waiting for the phone to ring.
More than anything though, I don’t want to run ahead with my thoughts, daydream and live in fantasy. Instead, and this is my prayer, that I would glorify God with my whole being now and always… and continue to place my trust in him and not myself or other people. If my life is his, then I can trust him to guide me and guide others whose actions affect my life.

KFC, Baskin and Robin, and one great chick flick... the order for the evening

I like my job. In fact, there's a lot about my job I love. Today however was not such a great day. I felt pressured and stressed and just like slamming the door on everyone after telling them in awfully polite terms to do nothing other than "piss off if you please".

So, after going to the farm to feed the horses for my friend who's horribly sick, I've come home via some very unhealthy stops to watch The Wedding Date. I know I'll probably feel worse at the end of the evening, but for now I feel a whole heap better.

Few things beat comfy jamies when you want to curl up and forget about your day!

DOH! Dad has just come home.. change of plans with the movie but I'll survive - by the way - Have I posted yet that I have the best living arrangement? Mom and I decided this morning that I'd do the cooking and household shopping and she'll do all the laundry etc. and bathrooms! Oh I love a flexible lifestyle and amazing parents :)

$0 - Rich

I like to spend money. In fact, I love having a regular income now because it enables me to buy all sorts of wonderful things, not only for myself but also for friends and family.

Yesterday for instance I picked up this amazing little book called "this little piggy went to Prada" with nursery rhymes for the fashion minded - I love it - and it was over half price off! Not to mention the fact that my tea and tin collection is growing again, and little things like the cost of petrol - $70 to fill up my car!!!

While I've worked out a small giving portfolio, I've been struggling to pay off a few debts to people, and save money... yes, no prizes for why that's the case!

So yesterday when my eye was caught by the book $0 to Rich in Mary Ryan I decided to give it a go. It has the most practical advice for saving (even on a government pension) and once you've reached certain goals, how to invest that money to make it work for you.

In light of all of this, I'm going to start following her advice. Little by little actually saving, and then getting that money to work for me. It's a bit different to how I have been thinking: Get money, give to people, pay off home loan, have nothing left over!

It's quite exciting, and I believe very biblical in terms of stewardship. It doesn't mean that the money you save is yours, it's all still God's, but you've got it there to bless and you're not frittering it away.

The following steps are basically my interpretation of what she's saying in terms of a budget (with a biblical slant):

Payday - Money comes in
10% tithe (no, she doesn't cover this!)
of the remainder
- 33% savings (put directly into a savings account) - she states that if you're starting out work off 10% and then each year work up to 1/3 of your income
- 33% Bills
- 33% for yourself. So out of this money would come things like personal spending, gifts, holidays and yes, for me, giving portfolio

And from there... allocate your savings to make it work. Highly recommended. I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to fair with this lifestyle/thinking change especially with overseas trips I need to make this year and getting more into the expensive equine world but I'm very keen to try. It's also quite a different mindset considering in some parts she's talking 30 YEARS! I'm more a month by month, day by day kinda girl so the switch will be interesting, but I'm certain more beneficial.

Should I be worried??

We were watching t.v. and mom suggested I apply for the TV show "the farmer wants a wife"... oh my goodness... I'm not desperate but perhaps I should be if my parents are!!!

(for the record, Dad is firmly against it, not because of the t.v. show but because he thinks I wouldn't survive in the middle of no where without people to talk to and my internet!!!!!!)

The Difference of a Name

While watching the local news I heard about a lady whose three children were in a car with her which crashed, two of them dying at the scene and the third of whom was in a critical condition.

While watching the National news I heard the same story but the additional details of a familiar family name of the grand father, and the name of the mother. How horrified I was that this family which I had heard about 20 minutes earlier with little regard was known to me. It was just another news story, now it is incredibly sad news.

After speaking a family member who is more known to me, I ask for your prayers this evening for Carmen (4 years old) the little girl who has survived her brother Elliot (1) and sister Lydia (6), as she fights for her life in a hospital in Brisbane, and of course for their mother Megan as she recovers in Toowoomba. I'd also ask for you to lift up the extended family, my friend Merrin in particular who has lost her niece and nephew, and her parents Allan and Colleen.

May you all tuck your children in extra tight tonight.

Quick Update

After a wonderful short break at the Gold Coast on Friday night, Lynda and I came home yesterday via Tamborine Mountain.

Have just come home from an AMAZING two hour set from Jars of Clay at Easterfest!!! Stunning, especially following the Open Air Combined Churches Service with 10,000 people and the QLD Symphony Pop Orchestra.

Heading down to the farm now to spend the night, wean a foal and then back up the hill to help pack up Easterfest.

It's been a busy 3 days :)

Blessed Be Your Name

Mom told me on the way to the markets this morning that at Church today would be an american boyfriend of a recent missionary. They, like Ian and I, had broken up, but now he has come over to Australia to visit her and her family for 6 months to see if they could work things out.

Oh the pain. And the joy. And the tears. And the questions.

I'm happy for her as I know something of how hard the journey has been, but oh I'm so selfish. Yes, I am content in my single life, but not a day goes by in which I don't miss Ian and the relationship which we had.

So as I sat in church, seeing out of the corner of my eye his arm around her, with his hand gently stroking her shoulder, feeling the pain of what has been lost from my life, I asked God to help me through this time, yet again. That I, and others who are also in pain because they can't be with someone they love, will be able to sing out loud "blessed be your name".

New Life

The koru is the Māori name given to the new unfurling fern frond and symbolizes new life, growth, strength and peace.

I thank my brother for this symbolic, and beautiful gift.

Bliss

I'm planning my holidays for Easter... yes, I am leaving it late but for the moment my best mate and I are going to stay at Sea World Resort and go to the Outback Spectacular. Ohhh... I'm feeling relaxed just thinking about it!

So looking forward to this, and the possibility of Hong Kong mid year and the UK at the end of the year!!! (not to mention a weekend sometime in NZ to visit my Nan and brother and a weekend sometime to visit my family in Canberra!!!).

Yes, my life is good. And not just because of holidays. I do grumble a lot, but I have SO much to be thankful for.

Life is bliss. I get discouraged easily, but at the end of the week, I have much more to be thankful for than disappointed about.

Disappoint This

How do you manage disappointment? Big ones, little ones and others that are just inconveniencing to our plans.

Today I had some news that just offset me a little bit. Something that I've been planning for a little while now and one of the variables changed on me. At this relatively minor news I had all sorts of crazy ideas, going back to university, leaving the country, and generally just flaking.

How sad it is that I think of the easy options when disappointment confronts me. I've been battling to think positively, and yet, I still feel let down - even when there is so much that is good in my life. At the heart of the issue, I think I'm disappointed in myself for a range of reasons.

So, my question to the empty space is this: When disappointment strikes, are we more often disappointed with the situation/circumstances or ourselves?

"What's mine is yours"

St Benedict said that we should welcome every stranger as if they were Christ himself... based upon the scripture: what you do for the least of these you do for me.

This ethos has lead me to consider in a deeper way what it means, not only to be hospitable, but also think in a more practical way about possessions. I've said to a few friends recently "what's mine is yours", but if what we have (life, time, money, energy, items etc.) is not ours at all (instead they are just given to us as to a steward to take care of by God) and we are to treat everyone as if they were Christ, the true owner, then should we take this thought to it's end conclusion that what we have is everyone's?

Does "my" money belong to the Jehovah's Witness that knocks on the front door? How should we be proper stewards in responsibly dealing with possessions, and yet open handed towards the needs of others? If someone takes something from me (again: time, life, money, energy or items) should I accept it as if it were Christ taking? IS it Christ?

The most important "things" in my life are my parents. What if Christ takes them? How would I deal with the pain and yet be open handed in my acceptance that they belong to Him?

In taking steps of faith, in living by faith, in trusting God on a daily basis - acknowledging that it IS him who provides all we need (job, air, food etc.) how much more do I want to continue in being open handed - a good steward - but do we go to the extreme? Is there a middle ground that is biblical, or is the "extreme" how it should be and we only consider it extreme because of what we are told in our consumerist western world?

News of the Hour...

I have a job... I have PERMANENT job.... I have a PERMANENT job WHICH I REALLY LIKE!

Other than that, have really appreciated the process of seeking God's will in which job to take etc. through this time I've been so blessed with more direction, a bit more passion, and some really big plans - so stay tuned - maybe some more big news soon :)

"God Bless"

After paying for my purchase this afternoon at a local catholic bookstore, the assistant simply said "God Bless" as I walked away. I was astounded by the depth of emotion that gushed through me and the wave of thankfulness that someone said "God Bless".

In an instant recognising the bond we have, as strangers yet sisters. In an instant praying a blessing. In a moment seeking to give and not to receive. In eternity, giving glory to the only one that can really bless us.

God Bless

Seeing Life in 3D

My friends have recently gotten a massive plasma, digital tv and it's taking a little while to get used to watching movies on it as... well... the images seem too lifelike! There's such depth and any soft focusing doesn't appear - faces are the real size (if not bigger) and CG tends to become more obvious.

I'm feeling a bit like that at the moment... like I'm seeing life in 3D, smells are sweeter, colours more saturated, feelings more real, more depth all round. Like someone waking from a dream after dreaming of waking.

I think I've been feeling crudly for so long that I'm hoping against all hope this won't go away - I won't become apathetic to how good it feels to be well, to be alive and to have something to live for.

What's wierd is that I don't have any new plans, nothing amazing has happened recently (aside from my health improving) that would account for this awareness... I'm just loving life and it seems, for once, to be loving me :)

A Winning Day

First off, my team (the Queensland Reds) have just broken a miserable losing streak to win 22-16 over the Highlanders... A brilliant first rugby match of the season and one I'm so glad I'm home to watch!

On the job front, I'm really enjoying temping at my old school, as my Principal's Secretary. It's been a bit of a learning curve, but one on which a Friday night I feel great about.

On the health front, my latest two lots of antibiotics are working their winning ways.

On the prospective job front, I've got an interview on the 28th.

On the life front - I'm enjoying it!

Why did the chicken cross the road?

This was sent to me today… hope you enjoy!

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realise that he must first deal with the problem on 'this' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'other side' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'current' problems before adding 'new' problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road…

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain. Alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens, crossing the road in peace….

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2007, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your chick book. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never cra...#@&&^(C% ........ reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken

Over the past few weeks I've been challenged through reading a book and various conversations about my faith and trust in Jesus Christ.

This book, The Gate Seldom Found, relates the history of the early House Church movement in Canada. Each page reads like a living sermon, speaking to my spirit and challenging the way I live and think.

On a day to day basis, how much do I place my trust in Jesus - and how much do I rely on my own skills and talents to complete my goals. Laying everything down and accepting that all we are given, both talents and possessions are just gifts entrusted to us by God, not our own to keep but items that we are stewards of - items to hold loosely should he ask for them to be redistributed. Do people recognise within my relationships the love of Christ? Are people drawn to Him by our love for each other?

All of these things I've been chewing on, and so much more. Each day to take up and lay down, open handedly but with an assurance that he'll take care of us. It's a familiar road but one I'd like to wear a deep rut in.

My Fabulous Mother

At 60 years of age how many grandmothers would go out and buy a scooter, not for their kids or even grandkids, but for themselves? To my thinking not many… but my fabulous mother has!

It goes so wonderfully on our tiled floors too we’re thinking that she should keep this one for inside, and get another for her outdoor exercise :)

(and speaking of fabulous parents – my dad’s just had his book published with the signing event a fortnight ago – check out my flickr page for some photos of the talented man!)

206 Unread Emails Later...

I've just finished my first week back at work following my operation and yes, it is true - I've got 206 emails to read/delete.. sigh.

In a quick blog update:

• I'm distressed that I go out to a coffee shop and don't know what to order! My standby of hot chocolate now doesn't make the trade as I have a fabulous Organic Hot Chocolate mix at home, I'm a tea snob so rarely will I enjoy a tea out more than at home, I don't like sugary drinks, I don't like pre-mix syrups and I don't drink coffee! So I settled for a fabulous Chardonnay when out this evening :)
• Anybody that knows me knows I always wear 2 rings... I looked at my hands recently and wondered what was wrong. I took them off after my op. and hadn't put them back on! Even when I was in school with a non-jewelry rule I always broke the rule - now when working at my old school and can legally wear them I'm not!
  
• I've applied for my dream job with my heart in my mouth and my stomach churning
• Mom and I are watching the West Wing of an evening
• I'm cooking Banana Cake this weekend

Keep smiling - It's a great day to be alive

Best Game of Scrabble.... EVER!

A quick boasting blog - I got 266 in scrabble this afternoon!

Oh My Golly Goodness Me Chocolate Mousse

At the risk of this becoming a food blog (not that there's anything wrong with food blogs by the way), this morning I made the quickest and simplest Chocolate Mousse - so good I've entitled it Oh My Golly Goodness Me Chocolate Mousse - simply, it's a must make - and that's from only licking the spoon!

This past week has been an interesting one. On Tuesday night, mom and I stayed up 'til 12 to finish the first season of Grey's Anatomy (that we started that morning!) and I've slowly been getting my strength back, albeit with naps in the day. I've been told about a job I would simply love to have and shall be praying about it as I start my new job at my old school on Tuesday. It's a simple receptionist role and as I'm feeling much better than when I returned from HK am eager for a bit of a challenge.

Last night mom and I watched the Lake House and a dancing movie called Step Up. Step Up is set in Baltimore, Maryland and it was a bit of a shock to the system to see places that I have been. I'm used to that and the memories that come with it when watching movies of New York, I avoided a book my friend loaned me about a girl returning to Lancaster County PA for the same reason - but I was taken by surprise at the Baltimore Harbour scenes - after all, one of my favorite memories from last Christmas in the US was dancing with Ian at that very harbour.

It's a long process moving on from a relationship.

How long will it last?

Over the past week of convalesence I've been reading cooking blogs and recipe books like they're going out of fashion... adding to that, I've been following up the research with some actual baking! Today for instance I'm making Chocolate Mousse that Maria sent me, and for my best friend who's on a brilliant roll of healthy eating, a Pistachio and Crasin Muesli Slice that I found in an Australian Women's Weekly cookbook.

I've been sooo frustrated though with lost recipes - for instance, I had a brilliant one for Spiced Apple Breakfast Muffins in Hong Kong that I can't find for the life of me in all my web searches (why oh why didn't I bring it home?), and for the past 7 years I've been lamenting the loss of a Cinnamon Sticky Bun recipe I saw in a magazine made 5 times and have now lost :(

Hence today, my search for a recipe book to keep all these gems, with my notes and variations. The only question is, how long will this craze last? Is it worth it??? Will it work for good in my efforts of hospitality, or will I become board in the endeavour?

A pub, a restaurant, a take-a-way and a cocktail

On the way to Brisbane last night with Mom (a quick trip to visit Steve who's in town with work) I realised 4 things. I miss my HK Pub, Restaurant, Take-a-way and the only place I know that serves a decent lychee martini...

So if you're in or around Hong Kong, do me a favour and enjoy while you can take-a-way from MIX (spinach, pumpkin and mushroom quiche fits under the CRI budget), have a beer and nachos from the Inn Side Out bar in Causeway Bay, when you have guests take them to the Peak and delight at Cafe Deco's amazing menu and service (I highly recommend the NZ Venison and Wild Mushroom Risotto), and if you're really splurging have a Lychee Martini at Isola at IFC II's outdoor area (go to the roof area on the 3rd floor where the bar is - it's got a restaurant as well but I can't comment on what I haven' experienced!) ... mmmmm.....

I was drooling so much at the thought of these four delights I almost forgot about my debts and hopped on a plane just to have them again! of course, what is food without friends - I'd need enough to shout some buddies too!!!

"You only cook a carrot cake to eat the icing"

I woke at 6am this morning with the urge to bake a carrot cake.... Only to realise after the cooking that I am indeed a perfectionist with baking. I'm my own worst critic (sound familiar?) . On the way to the doctor this morning though, Mom made the comment above "people only make a carrot cake to eat the cream cheese icing".

My baking thus far has been very healthy, LSA (linseed, soy and almonds) replacing some of the flower, the flower is wholemeal stone-ground and organic, I use 1/4 of the sugar in the recipe or less, etc. etc. etc. But darn! My beloved mother is right - I want that cream cheese icing!!!

It makes one think, what else to we do for the icing - go for a run to feel the endorphines (I for one wouldn't run without them as a bonus!), watch a movie to drift off into someone else's world, work for the cheque, garden for the flowers... bake a carrot cake just to eat the the icing.

Or perhaps it's for the delicious smell wafting past my senses right now?

(note: the carrot cake remains for the meantime un-iced - but we'll see if it gets eaten!)

Last Sunday I had an emergency appendectomy, from which I am still recovering, but very glad to be much better than I was. Prior to the surgery I was quite proud of my "no vomiting" status - no matter how sick I was, how big a night, or nauseous I just didn't vomit... bring along an intolerance to Morphine, Pethidine and Digesic later I can now no longer claim that title!

Oh well... probably too much information there!

I woke yesterday with an urge to bake (currently there is a lemon and blueberry bread baking in the oven), and am hoping that the trend continues.

I'm sitting here though on my couch feeling "blah", I have everything in the world to be thankful for, but still that quiet pain that I've spoken of before has once again crept upon me. Unbidden thoughts wondering the "IF", not regretting, not wishing, just wandering through hurtful places - sadistically torturing my mind.

Goodness me though! I've had all these wonderful ideas to write upon this past week, and here I am, finally sitting down for the first time before this page and all that comes to mind are depressing anecdotes! Rest assured though I am doing very well, despite all my ramblings. I've found a peace in the past month that has evaded me and am looking forward to a NEW year. The old has, and will as a continued exercise, been put behind me, and I look forward with hope and anticipation to all my Father has.

Stay tuned - it's going to be an exciting year. Hopefully no romance though :)

The Cross was not Glamorous

In church today I noticed our cross, a humble wooden cross, but with a spotlight on it and a fluorescent light on the back to bounce of the curtain behind. It made me think of how we can glamorise the cruel and humiliating death which Jesus died for our sake. Or even worse, become complacent about it.

Chris Windus preached an awesome message about the Supremacy of Christ, that there is nothing we can do to add to, or make our salvation beyond what he has done. No religious duties, no praying or fasting or going to church or any such thing can add to our salvation, because Christ is supreme and he HAS completed the work already on our behalf. Furthermore, he brought to mind the life that Christ lived - one of Danger and Risk Taking and having fun with mates rather than doing what was expected of him - this is the Jesus we believe in - this is the Jesus I can identify with.

While I liked the sermon and was challenged by it, I really struggled with the "worship". I find it hard to experience freedom in the established form of worship at my church. It's something that's done, and others can connect with, but for me it's by no means my preferred cup of tea. Perhaps it's because of the worship leader, perhaps it's because I dislike blanket statements (even though they may have truth to them!), perhaps it's because I don't know many of the songs and I miss hymns, for whatever reason - I find the time difficult, and I miss my church in Hong Kong that I was so excited to go to each week.

Mashed Potato Mountains and Back to Reality

Back to Reality
My day started in spits and spats as I woke periodically throughout the night, subconsciously realising that today is the beginning of the rest of my life. Holidays are over, reality hit at wee hour of the morning, and the past needs to be put in the past.

I'm not ready to move on.

I don't want to move on.

But move on I must.

Baby steps or with hop skips and jumps, any way my Lord guides as I trust and hold on to his promises - because like I've posted before... even just trusting and believing is enough for him. Like children we hold his hand, enfolded, loved, comforted.


Mashed Potato Mountains
At dinner tonight the six of us (Liam and Maigen have visited for the evening much to our great delight) created Mashed Potato Mountains. Rules being as follows:

• You must eat whatever you put on your plate
• You can't vote for yourself
• Winner's photo gets put on Aunty Liz's blog
• First was Liam's snow mountain, tie for second was Steve's the pass of nevermore and Gran's one tree hill (complete with cars and boat!), third was Maigen's treey mountain with faerie's hiding , and Last but not least was Pop's gravy volcano and Liz's enchanted island.
• as you'll note, the standard of creation was so high it was decided that all should be shown (Liam convinced Aunty Liz that she had to put hers up too! )

The first blog of 2008

On this, the first day of 2008, I'm considering the year ahead. With the past month taken off, I start work tomorrow. (I've got 8 days at the Catholic Education Office, and then a term or two at my old school. Both are beautiful locations with really great people, but the space will be missed.)

While December was certainly a period of R&R, it has also been one of introspection and growth... I feel a bit more able to take on the world again, but am trying not to plan past July 08, up until then will be taking it easy and doing what I can.

As this blog is complimented by my photo journal on Flickr, I thought it appropriate to include these two photos from today - one from our garden at home, and the other from the farm.

God's grace and peace be with you all in the coming year... and me too!!!

Driving Range Venture

Steve and I went to the driving range today - shock horror, despite my "unorthodox style" as Steve delicately put it, I was hitting some big uns! Delightfully shocking as it was the first time I've attempted to play golf aside from "miniature put put"! I think a lesson or ten might be in order though before I attempt to move off the range on to an actual course.

Loads of fun and topped off with Baskin and Robins. (Considering that everyone keeps on pinching my stomach and saying I've lost too much weight I think I can handle a bit of sugary decadence.)

Maigen's party was quite fun yesterday, although due to a late finish the Tea Shop did not receive the pleasure of our custom, but they do have on-line ordering... hmmm :)

P.s. I was thinking of calling this post "Fun at the Range" but realised that I have my first shooting lesson on Friday at the Charlton Rifle Range!

My Current Quote

I was listening to the radio the other day and heard someone say how their wife had put the following saying on the fridge in an attempt to assist with his dieting goals:

Don't sacrifice what you want for what you think you want.

I'm finding that thought coming back to mind quite often at the moment, especially in light of the post Christmas sales spending spree vs. paying back debts and planning a holiday to visit friends in the UK... instantaneous pleasure vs. success of goals

something to think on

P.s. Heading to Brisbane today for Maigen's birthday party (and a side visit to the Tea Shop! - note well, in light of the above all spending has been budgeted for :)

A Girly movie??

Mom and I went to see Enchanted tonight (believe it or not, 0f the 20 people in the cinema, we knew about 15 of them!) and had a ball. Mom laughed the whole way through it and has described it as a Cinderella Charlie Chaplin - Slapstick Fairy Tales!

I was meaning to write a blog on my Christmas and the wonderful things that did happen (perhaps to balance the blog below), but instead of my usual verbose style I'll summarize as follows:

• Christmas started when we picked Steve up at the airport on Friday. Mom, Dad and I went down to Brisbane (stopping at the fruit shop on the way for Dad to get potatoes and onions, me to get summer fruits and Mom to get veggies!).
  
• Kimberly, Liam and Maigen arrived on Saturday to our great joy and delight (leaving Andrew with Gastroenteritis in Canberra to fly up on Monday)
• Jonno, Steve, Kimbas and I sat out on the porch for a few hours drinking beers and catching up
  
• Jack stayed the night with his cousins and shared my room - when he got homesick we looked at photos of China (Hong Kong) as when he was in Sydney last week to see Billy Elliot he loved China Town.
• Had a fabulous Sunday lunch at the Dentons with Barb and Lynda
• Played Monopoly and Badminton with L & M
• Took L & M to the farm where they rode horses, greeted foals and rode quad bikes - my oh my - they (along with Jack) are the politest and most pleasant kids to be around - it was such a pleasure to spend time with them, and a proud moment when they were just as prettily behaved in front of my friends
• Had dinner with my brothers and their wives at Swish, a delicious 5 course meal (with a different wine to match each course) - a real treat
• and last but not least, Christmas day itself. A traditional Shaw breakfast (with foods from Canada, the Philippines and Australia), opening gifts (with Maigen stealing the show with refreshingly honest reactions to them as only a five year old can give - hilarious!) and at night, an open house for people that didn't have anywhere to go with a traditional meal and watching Amazing Grace to end the night.
  

God has been good

God Keeps His Promises

This Christmas season has been very hard for me as someone very dear to my heart did not keep a special promise. This has tinted so much of my life in the past few months, dimming every aspect of with a dark shade. As Adrian Plass writes a “chilled and sullen sense of loss" that pervades my being. While I understand the Why of their actions, it has not lessened the pain.

After my siblings had left for other engagements today, with that familiar shade creeping back in the quiet of the afternoon, I decided to hide in my room for a nap and quiet brooding.

Picking up the birthday book Barbara gave me, I read the following passage, and was warmed with the peace and comfort that God keeps His promises, even when people don’t. While the pain is still a deep ache when focused on I am comforted beyond words… because God understands. And so do other people as this poem shows. Continuing to bring everything before him, he takes care of us beyond expectations.

The Promise of Christmas – Adrian Plass

I suspect that those of you who do not find this time of year easy will appreciate the poem that follows. Promises are not always kept on this side of the grave. That is the way life is. God will always keep his promises, though, and when we do finally reach heaven, we will be amazed to find that the essence of all the innocent things that we loved most in this world are there. How could not that be so? He made them.

When I’m in heaven

Tell me there’ll be Christmases without the pain

No memories that will not fade

No chilled and sullen sense of loss

That can not face the festive flame

Nor breathe excitement from the ice-cream air

Tell me how the things that Christmas should have been

Will be there for eternity in one long shining dawn

For all of us to share

I love the promises of Christmas

The Facebook Delema - the temptation to be popular

I've joined Facebook and have a growing number of friends within my less than week membership. I'm struggling though with two things, the second of which may seem a contradiction to this blog.

Firstly, do I really need another form of communication in my life?
Secondly, do I want the 69 people who are currently listed as my friends to have access to personal details about my life?

The former is answered easily, no, I don't. However as some people use Facebook as the primary form of communication and staying "in touch" with people it does have the end product of a quicker and easier connect with them.

The latter... No - in honesty I don't. I'm uncomfortable with some people knowing about my life and having access to it. Not necessarily because I'm ashamed, but more so that this blog is an expression of my life which is at times quite personal. While I don't state many specifics, reading in between the lines you can gather quite a lot. Having acquaintances logging on to this section of my life is more uncomfortable then those who wander here periodically because they genuinely care about me or what I write - rather than the former friend or schoolmate who is looking for the latest goss.

So, with that having been said, I've taken the blog link off my Facebook page.

Which leads me to the title of this post: Facebook is a popularity contest. Yes, you want to be in contact with people who you count as your friends... but how many people do you honestly want to know that you're now single (which I recently saw on my news page as my friend had changed her relationship status). How many people do you Not people who log in to see how YOU are going, but just working on other things and see that at the same time?

I added my blog post with a vague, ill thought prideful action that more people might come to my blog and I'd get more dots on my visitor's wall - again - a popularity contest. Then I realised that I was actually thinking "oh, what will ... think about me if they read this", which is in direct opposition to the premise on which I write this blog: to be honest, both with myself and others and through that either encourage others, or look back in times to come and see my journey more clearly.

I know I'm contradicting myself here... with one breath I'm saying "blow what anyone else thinks, I'm going to stay the course I've set" and with another I'm second guessing my vulnerability.

Be all that as it may, I've limited my Facebook profile and taken my email address of it (for the first time ever I'm starting to get junk mail - I started getting it about 6 minutes after I joined up)

AGHHHR!!!

Clever me locked herself out of her computer.. i.e. I completely and utterly forgot my password. As such, I've had to go somewhere to get it fixed (thanks Greg) but in the process have lost my morning, all my saved Skype chats and sent emails.

So - if anyone's sent me a Skype in the last day which I haven't replied to.. SORRY! Chances are I won't see it.

Almost over

Today has been a highly productive, although somewhat emotional day.

Following my interview (which I got - I'm temping but still need to interview and shall be at a Catholic Education HQ for the next 3.5 weeks from Wednesday) I came home to continue the task I set for myself today - sorting out my photo album!

I'm going through all of my digital photos since 2005 and am going to get them printed in a professional book. Of course, as those who have seen my photos will know, there is a great deal of weeding going on as not a lot of em are all that good! I also finally transferred my NZ shots from 2004 on to my laptop.

I'm quite looking forward to continuing this project, and while I haven't started the layout I have compiled the main list of photos. It's hard to know which ones to put in and which ones not to though in some respects. Some are of a life that is no longer... do I put them in or is it best to move on and edit them out? Not the time, but just the more personal shots. I'm leaning towards that option.

And also, when do I stop? I know clearly when I'm starting... but do I finish the album with my return to Australia or do I keep it going until the end of October? At least that way I get to incorporate some flower and horse shots into the picture.

It is fun to have a creative project going - other than my sister-in-law's christmas present (curious still Kimbas? - with all this hype I better make sure it's good!)

The storm if you were wondering was uneventful - filled with much needed rain but no lightning or hail in our area.

Off to bed - one more day's holiday tomorrow then back to work... ahhh... it's a tough life!

Silence is golden

We're about to have a massive storm so I'll only be quick.

Quick update though:
Finished up with my job on Friday (and got a phonecall this morning to say can I pay back the $366 that I was overpaid in Tax!)
Have an interview at 2pm for a temp job with Catholic Education
Have joined Facebook... jury is still out if it is good or bad (I'm horrible keeping in communication without ANOTHER method!)
I went to St Luke's on Sunday (a local Anglican church) and loved it

Fare thee well - huge hail storm etc. about to hit and I must batten down the hatches

Toast and Honey

is very Yummy :P

Some Photos from Sunday

Down at the farm today I took the following photos, thankfully, Lynda didn't take one of my face whilst I held a mare being served by the stallion... I just didn't know where to look! I'm a professional now though and will make a much better (blushless) assistant next time

I also have some great sequence shots that I don't want to put up on Flickr as they are though - so if anyone has any suggestions I'd gladly take them.